Here's a window into the dizzying spectacle of daily life, doing everything at once, and the spiritual growth picked up along the way...
[Scroll halfway down for update -- after large heading]
A BUSY WEEK AHEAD
The various projects on the 'to do list' have become so formidable that I've decided to spend the rest of the week posting pieces of the mystery school text I excerpted from earlier -- starting tomorrow. It's a marvelous inspirational read. Since our website already has a PDF converter for every page, with the little icons at the top right of each post, I'll just post them in the Articles / Books section.
I actually felt a strengthening affinity with the Higher Self, and some time around Thursday night I had a new reading come in. It felt like a really good one, and my studio had been sitting unused for weeks and weeks, so I decided I'd put an ambient soundtrack behind it and offer it as a sequel to "What is My Purpose?".
I have some other readings that still just need me to sit down and convert them into MP3s for the archive -- and honestly I've never even listened to them so I don't know what they're about. Hopefully I'll make the time to do that fairly soon.
However, I've had many experiences in the past where the exact time I finally go listen to a reading is already referenced in the reading itself. That's always a mind-expanding event, and there have been many hundreds of cases like that.
So when I do go listen to these 'old' readings, I'll probably find that they were written from the vantage point of the PRESENT!
THE SEVEN-YEAR ITCH
I still haven't had the time to write up many of the amazing chain of synchronicities that occurred last year when I finally got around to transcribing well over 20 different 90-minute cassettes from 1998 and 1999.
Though they had remained untranscribed, and seemed 'dead,' just an administrative problem I had to hack through, they ended up perfectly describing where I was, and what I would be doing, seven years later! The degree of specificity, and detail, was astonishing! Names, places, the Hollywood film, you name it. In some cases something I'd just seen or experienced was referenced once I sat down to transcribe this seven-year-old material.
To think that all this information was already known, back when I was literally living in a barn loft and working off my rent with construction labor, is quite amusing.
Even more ironically, I still to this day have not transcribed six months' worth of digital files, comprisng every dream and reading I had from the first half of 2001. This was one of the most difficult phases of my entire life, due to a strong difference of wants and needs in a relationship. It's been too painful to want to revisit thus far. Suffice it to say I feel I have been blessed with the full spectrum of experiences available in a human incarnation.
CHOOSE LIFE OVER IMPRISONMENT... SIMPLE, RIGHT?
The recent news of celebutante Paris Hilton being sentenced to 45 days in jail, and her complete shock -- she just never even created the space in her mind for that outcome, because it was too horrible to contemplate -- reminds me of this phase of my own journey -- though it was more a prison within the home -- really the mind -- and at the hands of others. It continued, in various forms, until very recently -- just continually being reformatted based on the situation.
Sometimes you just don't realize what's in store for you, in terms of initiation, until it starts. I'm only just now realizing (in the last month or so) that every major problem of my life can be traced back to having bad boundaries. Obviously I'm a nice guy and I want to make others happy, and I always try to see the positive in someone even when there's a great deal of negative I have to work through to get there.
Somewhere along the way, I learned that it was 'easier' to deny myself, deny my emotions, deny my good feelings, than to make someone else unhappy. I was very sensitive to how they felt and if they were happy, I was happy -- or so I thought. It seemed that whatever price I had to pay by letting other people do what they want was less than the cost of having to disappoint them... and appear 'arrogant' for putting my own needs first.
Yet, in order to survive in this world, you can't simply go around people-pleasing. You may think you're being 'very spiritual' by doing so, but in the process you're trashing the one most important person you should be looking out for. No one else is there to protect you, ultimately... you have to give yourself that gift. Karma will still blast you for dishonoring your own free will even if you're being a saint to everyone else.
Ultimately the best meditation you can give yourself is to truly focus on the greater good. Your greatest purpose on this planet is to keep your state of consciousness as uniformly positive and radiant as possible. Then the second level of importance is to try to help spread that radiant peace to others.
Only as a result of this depth of 'catalyst' I have experienced can I honestly say that in your left hand you have Death, and in your right hand you have Life. Either one is totally real, and can become your full experience if you choose to focus on it. I made the decision to Choose Life -- my own life, my own self-respect, my own positive attitude -- and honor that choice, even if others try to choose a different set of experiences for me.
If your peace is consistently being attacked by a person or situation, then the 'unthinkable' option of changing your circumstances should never be taken off the table. This may fly in the face of every romantic movie you've ever seen, but let's not forget that we're not exactly living on an enlightened planet at this time.
LOVE AND CONTROL
Codependency, attachment and jealousy is often mistaken for God's will in the subconscious mind -- and as one of my favorite Law of One quotes indicated, (paraphrased), "Most of your peoples cannot differentiate between love and control."
It didn't say "Most of your peoples often confuse love with control," or "most people often get love and control mixed up," it said most people CANNOT TELL THE DIFFERENCE between love and control! For them it is simply not possible. Love IS control, control IS love. "I love you" means "...and therefore you do what I want." You do what I want, therefore I love you. Quid pro quo. You do me, I'll do you. Maybe.
This is quite a meditation, and as I've discovered, there are a wide variety of people on the spiritual path -- even some who you'd think should be quite evolved, have a public persona, et cetera -- who are stuck in this same trap.
This is a strong part of why we discourage the discussion of the work of channelers in our forum. It's a sad but very real fact that it is extremely difficult to do channeling, do it well, and keep it consistently positive. This is due to the awesome power of the negative greetings that appear. The 'loyal opposition' has run a really tight game at the end of this particular cycle on this particular planet. Most channeling is distorted to the point of limited value at best.
If you don't have the full Law of One perspective going in, and then rigorously adhere to the protocols, including never asking 'transient' questions, you're liable to get in trouble. Then add the allure of public adulation, over-inflated sense of self-importance, et cetera, and you have a true recipe for disaster.
Please remember that I'm not telling you not to read other sources of channeling. Each of them will have some inspirational value. Just bear in mind that the Law of One almost stands alone in being uniformly positive about our future, about 2012, et cetera. Those who see doom in our future do not see the truth. Those who encourage you to prepare, go to the 'safety land,' stock up for the collapse of civilization, et cetera are simply mistaken.
Remember -- negative entities feed on fear as much as you and I need food and water to survive. You do get a high out of seeing or reading something that scares you and then retreating back into the safety of your own 'cave' -- there is a sense of danger averted, and a relief that results -- but the real problem is this brooding dread of the future that lingers as a psychic residue of the mind.
Some people rigorously believe they need to 'awaken' the public to this doom-and-gloom stuff about 'pole shift,' Illuminati world domination, et cetera... but the bottom line is that, as my readings said, "those who have BOTHERED to love others will only experience greater and greater levels of happiness and inspiration" as we move through the changes.
This happiness comes in stages, through successive runs through the "Dark Night of the Soul" -- and if you haven't been through one recently, then you're probably not paying enough attention.
PORES AS 'BOUNDARIES'
Ironically, now that I'm finally 'getting it' about the need to have boundaries (thanks to the 'rat synchronicity,' as I wrote earlier, where she got in through a 'bad boundary' in the screen door), I'm finally curing the acne condition I've had on my back ever since my early teens.
On the surface level what put me over the top was a new idea that floated in one day from my intuition -- creating a 1/3rds colloidal silver, 2/3rds hydrogen peroxide solution and spraying it on dry skin in the morning after my shower, and again before bed. Yes, it will itch like mad for up to 15 minutes after you do it, but after having photo-dynamic therapy treatments at the dermatologist, I realized that this same sensation is proof that the toxic bacteria are being killed off.
What better body-wide metaphor for 'boundaries' than the pores of your own skin? Is it not fitting that as soon as I really start to understand boundaries, I heal all the 'holes' in my outer protective layer, so 'invaders' can't get in and poison me anymore?
I really consider this to be a major turning point. After wrestling with acne this long, to finally reach this moment (which I wasn't even sure was attainable) is really something. The itching and burning is a small price to pay for the results I've gotten. It is nothing short of a miracle for me to be free of pain and irritation on my back, considering how much incredible effort has gone in to achieving this goal. It's been getting better and better for years now, but I never had completely solved it until now.
Obviously, it will take longer for all the scars to fade, but I'm expediting that process by getting out in the sun -- and the peroxide also has a whitening effect. The idea of possibly even being able to lighten up on my strict diet a bit, here and there, is pretty amazing too.
TIME TO FINISH THE JOB...
Anyway, I've had a variety of 'nudgings', particularly in dreams, telling me it may finally be time to go back in there and transcribe the data from the first half of 2001, during one of my most painful phases of initiation. I know you may want to volunteer your help, but in this category there is so much synchronicity embedded in the words, and the timing of when I transcribe them, that it deserves my personal attention.
This is just one of the tasks ahead for the week. Richard Hoagland called me yesterday with a true breakthrough discovery in terms of understanding 'colony collapse disorder' with the honeybees.
Over the course of a two-hour conversation we put the whole thing together -- and it's all related to 'the new physics.' Furthermore, we have a SOLUTION that can be spread to the beekeepers -- something easy, cheap and probably unheard of before now -- and whether you want to attribute it to 'the physics' or not, the proof is already apparent that it will work. This can help smooth our transition through the remaining years as we head into 2012.
Before we can publish that article, we need to finish the new interplanetary climate change piece for context... clearly showing that the Earth is experiencing warming that cannot be explained by conventional 'global warming' models OR by the sun geting hotter on a physical level. Though I'm close, I haven't finished that piece yet. This type of writing is very difficult. So that's also on the to-do list, and hopefully I can get that done today.
We are also in a major rewrite phase with the Convergence script... enough that it could be likened to Version III of the dramatic adaptation of the material. Several key elements and characters of Version II will be retained, unlike the transition of Version I to Version II, but there is a great deal of new ideas and material going in as well.
This is a very exciting process, but also quite labor-intensive. I do feel that the end result is going to be far beyond any of our initial expectations -- and now more than ever we're sculpting the plot so as to present as much of the science as possible without losing any of the central elements of Structure and Story. For my personal edification on these matters I've taken to a very strong study of screenwriting, and have already been through two books and am a third of the way through another. That, of course, also takes time and concentration.
As I've said before, you can get a healthy pre-emptive view of the science our film will reveal by ordering the Science of Peace series off this site -- a multi-media exploration I composed with nine-time Grammy award winner Larry Seyer. It is truly life-changing information, and we are delighted with the consistency of response... at least one order a day, on average. Nothing we've ever done before has been this steady.
Then I still have the new MP3 project I want to get to work on, which will be the official sequel to "What is My Purpose?". However, as soon as I sat down at the music computer to turn it on, it was dead! I actually KNEW it would be dead before I even turned it on, and I also knew why.
I had replaced the faulty power supply on the Gigastudio machine, but never actually healed the first machine. I knew it would go bad at some point, and just decided I'd cross that bridge when I came to it. Well, now it came to me!
YOUR SUPPORT IS OF GREAT VALUE TO US
We've noticed a new trend in the Online Store, where people are ordering the Science of Peace series and 'Purpose' at the same time, now that they're both available as MP3 downloads. So, the message is clear that you want more inspirational discourses with trippy, uplifting original music in the background. So, we're going to be doing more of that kind of thing as a result... hence my foray into 'computer hell' to get things back up and running again.
We again want to thank you for supporting our work in this manner, as previously the online store only made enough to pay its own server fees, but now it's become a worthy augmentation to the monthly rent burden. By ordering these products it makes these continuing website updates more like a 'real job' that I actually get paid for, and as a result I can afford to keep doing it on a regular basis -- so again I thank you.
With large corporations your purchase is just a drop in the ocean -- but here, even though we don't have the time or ability to write a personal thank-you note to everyone who pledges their support by ordering a product, we can honestly say that it makes a difference, and we are very grateful for your help!
Ah -- after posting this I noticed a synchronicity... this is Item Number 333 in our website system! :)
UPDATE WEDNESDAY, MAY 9TH
We've had a very positive development in the honeybee story. Hoagland explained our new model to Art Bell, and Bell was so captivated that he's fast-tracking our discoveries into a story that will air this Saturday on the Coast program. At this moment it's scheduled to be just Richard and Art, but there will also likely be a panel discussion about it that I will be featured in sometime in the coming week or thereafter.
The unfortunate side of this story is that such crashing last-minute opportunities often happen with Coast, and we weren't even planning to start the honeybee article until AFTER we finished the climate change piece. Not a word has been written yet. As a result, I'm now in a "stop, drop and roll" moment where in order to do the initial draft to the quality level necessary, I'll have to really focus in this week.
I will still try to post here as I am able, but this will probably be a slow week. Nonetheless there has been explosive growth in our discussion forum and we're seeing an average of four or five New Science links appear each day, in addition to multiple discussion threads all running simultaneously. None of these things were possible back in the days of the Yahoo group, where posts got 'buried' within hours of their arrival if no one replied to them.
So, I will be busy, but it has become clearer and clearer that the honeybee story may become the pre-eminent news item of the year, or at least one of them. And as of this morning I discovered yet another huge link that puts the puzzle together, and haven't even told Hoagland about it yet... it will be a surprise. We've had a great convergence of concepts on this issue. The model is really quite elegant and this new piece really puts it over the top.
Someone in the discussion group mentioned seeing a study about the difference between square / cubical hives and the natural round hives, where the natural shape functions better than the artificial one. This is not central but would lend some additional support to the new model. If anyone knows where this study is, or can dig it up, please email me about it immediately, or post to the discussion group, as I'll see it come in there. Time is of the essence on that one.
I have gotten a sizable increase in your personal emails to me as well, and my best advice to you is to take your concerns to the discussion group, as I definitely don't have enough time to be writing personalized replies to individual questions right now. Meditate on the "Santa Claus Paradox" and you'll see what I mean.
You'll be surprised how sharp our group is... take a chance!
DOING THE HEALING WORK
On a personal level I've been through a GREAT deal of healing work -- I had emotional issues come up to be processed that were strong enough that I had to stop everything else and move through them. This included listening to music associated with the people involved, and crying the hurt and grief out of my system. For hours.
There is a point at which if you don't actually do this, you are doing yourself much more harm. Emotions get frozen in linear time and the only way you can really heal them is by releasing them in the present, once they finally come back for review. In those moments the hurt is just as strong as when it first happened, but by releasing it you also free YOURSELF on an energetic level.
The Ascension process absolutely requires this work, when it surfaces, if you wish to go above the minimum standards of qualification for the new fourth-density Earth. A person who does not release their grief (and thereby transcending it through releasing it) will eventually become a great harm to themselves and to others.
I have several tragic and shocking examples of this that are not mine to share publicly, and you probably can think of many examples as well. Better that you face your hurts in a controlled circumstance than have it finally fly up as the result of a catastrophe.
One of the false illusions of the egoic mind is that addictive behaviors can keep you from having to feel pain. In my own case, I realized I was clicking and clicking from website to website, but nothing satisfied me. I also wasn't getting anything accomplished. That was when I really knew I had to just pull back, listen to the music that would fire off the charge, and let it happen. And I did. And I felt better -- fast!
People who haven't processed their grief very often are afraid they will have a 'nervous breakdown', they will 'lose it,' they may 'never be able to stop' once they start. This is all part of the illusion that keeps us from facing our feelings and moving THROUGH them. It seems a lot easier to turn your back on a problem in the short term, but in the long term you just create more potential energy that needs to be released in the future.
Also, there is a case to be made where simple TIME needs to go by before you will have every related issue emerge, even though you know you're doing well and are on the right track. For me it has been a sequential process, and as soon as I integrated the 'boundaries' information, the next wave of material -- amounting to the finalization of my public 'rehabilitation' -- came up.
It was good that I moved through it BEFORE the news about the upcoming show happened. I've done enough of the work that now I can write scientific material like this and not be burdened. That being said, I still really haven't had enough sleep (another frequent effect from moving through strong emotions) but that is something easily taken care of.
PUBLIC FIGURE REHABILITATION
Essentially I'm moving into the last stage of the 'rehabilitation' of my work as a public figure. Moving from hardly ever posting to my website at all, to posting almost every weekday, (as of this past February, after I moved up into mountainous seclusion from the most intense city atmosphere I've ever lived in) was a major shift -- but I was still resisting the idea of conferences and radio appearances.
I only did Joshua Tree with Hoagland because I had made a promise and did not want to break it. I did enjoy myself, met some nice people, chatted up George Noory and his sidekick Tom Danheiser for a while, went to Giant Rock, and presented some really great information on 2012 that I still need to release in other forms, such as the upcoming book.
I also met a very valuable black-ops contact there and haven't shared his amazing testimony yet either -- but he further added to the case that 'everybody knows' about 2012 on the inside these days, and agrees that it will be the defining moment of human civilization.
Other people who have more of a sense of personal satisfaction from publicity may be more driven to get themselves out there, and feel an egoic rush from doing so, but my nature is to be quiet and secluded. That's really the meditative, spiritual life. The last thing I want to do is become 'addicted' to publicity and feel that if I don't get a regular 'fix' that something is wrong with me.
However, I'm aware that the information and guidance I provide is unique enough that there is no complement to it out there now, and therefore it is imperative that I get over my personal problems with public exposure -- most of which trace back to bad boundaries, and getting 'eaten alive' by crowds because I don't set adequate limits.
No one person is responsible, though there usually is at least one 'severe boundary crasher' per conference. Often there are two, three or more, and in some cases they all converge at the same time... hanging around while many others come and go in the interim.
In normal polite conversation you find a natural exit that both people can agree upon. However, as a public figure, some people will endlessly go into tangents, looping and looping around, pulling back when someone else comes up only to immediately resume their tangent when the other person walks away.
They may never give you an exit unless you create one -- and even then, the most extreme cases will ignore your requests, follow you if you try to walk away, and just keep on talking the whole time no matter what you say or do.
Such people force you to get direct, make an assertive move, and leave them feeling 'victimized', audibly muttering with contempt when you finally end up saying something blunt and direct, then turning and walking away from them, even though they have not stopped talking. Then add in a very strong psychic ability, and you can FEEL how pissed off they are, as if it were your own pain. It's been a real problem. One 'gatecrasher' can blow your entire energy field at a conference.
However, despite the obligatory handful of 'gatecrashers,' the only person I can really blame for these problems continually occurring is myself. Even though I may enjoy most of the conversations, the net effect of the whole thing becomes massive energetic depletion, which has often led to prolonged 2-week-plus illnesses upon my return home.
Rather than improve my boundary issues, and accept that with the 'gatecrasher' types the confrontation occurred long before I finally disengaged, the easiest way out for me was simple avoidance. It appears my time has run out and I have to learn the healthy boundary work -- even if some people will interpret it as arrogance, no matter how polite I am about it.
Given the controversial and increasingly high-profile nature of what I do, I will probably also need my own version of a Tom Danheiser type in the future. The 'boundary crashers' are omnipresent and can be very persistent. Over 90 percent of them have some strong agenda that they want to use you to help them promote. More often than not, in my own case, it ends up being someone who is a member of a UFO channeling group of some kind, (read: cult), and there are a few that seem to consistently stand out... which shall remain nameless.
One other trick I've used in the past is the "Are You Ready Girl." Find an attractive woman, or have a friend of yours attend the conference with you. Work out a nonverbal signal so that when you have a severe boundary crasher, she knows to walk up to you and say "Are you ready?" That's consistently been the most tactful approach, and has gotten me out of many jams -- but I haven't always had a suitable volunteer for the role.
Uh-oh... now I've leaked the secret. What were we talking about?
Oh yeah, right... absolutely nothing!
ISOLATION WAS EASIER -- GOING ALL THE WAY BACK TO HIGH SCHOOL
The dreams I've been having have been truly legendary in scope and depth these last few days. It's clear that this new 'social phobia' has become a really major issue for me, and it ties directly back into a famous Cayce quote: "Why shouldn't I dread publicity?"
As much as I thought I'd gotten past that, I've come to realize in the last 2-3 days that I was very much stuck in this place of wanting complete isolation. I knew at some point in the future it would change, but I was content to forestall it inevitably.
The real irony was to remember that my mother's mother was the same way (thanks to a dream that pointed this out) and I also went through a strongly anti-social phase through my adolescence, particularly the first three years of high school. I grew long hair, wore black clothes and basically wanted to make myself invisible. This developed after three years of incredible chastisement at the hands of my classmates for being overweight, coupled with an increasingly unplesant family life -- from both sides of the tree.
I was always very gracious to people who did befriend me, but the 'rogue' look effectively walled me off from 'mainstream' types who were satisfied with things like football games, track practice, school clubs, bubble gum, fast cars, et cetera. I felt much more of a kinship with the rebelliious, non-mainstream crowd -- the people who were awake enough to realize that our society, and the whole nature of being a high school student, was totally !*&#@^.
The 'preps,' the 'jocks', the 'nerds', et cetera... I wanted nothing to do with them. I was far more likely to be interested in the 'granola' and 'head' types. I didn't even care about getting the diploma and graduating -- I was just going through the motions and really felt the whole thing to be meaningless, as even a four-year psychology degree wouldn't amount to much -- and four years later that's what I came out with.
I did essentially replace my desire for rebellion and intoxication with the 'high' of my intellectual pursuits, thus turning a negative addiction into a positive service to others -- once I was exposed to all the cosmic information I started opening to in my sophomore year of college.
Even then, to think that I would not only be able to do something with it, but that it would end up taking me this far, was just totally outside my reality. If someone had actually explained to me what was going to happen, I never would have believed them... not in a million years.
I've seen many celebrity blogger sites that really attack and harshly criticize public figures for their statements about how hard it is to do what they do. The typical sarcastic comeback is something to the effect of, "Everybody wants to be famous. You got what you asked for, so quit complaining."
For myself, I did dream of being an astronaut when I was a little kid, and in my teens I had the typical fantasies of being a rock star (which were made a lot more tangible by meeting most of the rock stars of the day) -- but a key difference is that people tolerate a great deal of 'humanity' from rock stars. There is a form of 'worship' that goes on, but it is understood that they will have personal fragility, psychological issues, et cetera. If they turn their back on you when you get too pushy as a fan, you just accept that it's all part of the rock-star persona.
I never really sat and wished about being a public figure in the realm of spirituality. On many levels the obvious 'vibrational similarity' I share with Edgar Cayce has felt more like a curse than a blessing. I know, I know, quit your bitchin', but there are a surprising number of readers who really seem to be looking for some sort of single figure to hang their hopes and dreams for the future on.
No one can live up to Messianic projections, or should think they could. I'm more aware than ever that we really are going to experience a major worldwide spiritual / hyperdimensional event somewhere around the end of 2012, but I'm certainly not the only one talking about it -- nor am I the only one to have produced valuable spiritual material for people to learn and grow from. There is indeed a great team effort going on at this time.
So, I'll take my own advice now, quit complaining and get back to work.
IF YOU TRIED TO ORDER AND WERE RUDELY INTERRUPTED...
Oh, by the way, one last thing. Part of my 'social phobia' lately was that I hadn't bothered to turn on my cell phone or check the messages for a good long time, since reception up here in the mountains is bad. As a result, our new credit processing company had been trying to contact me to send them verification on three transactions, as a routine security measure to prove that I am who I say I am.
Since they didn't hear from me, they de-activated the account between May 2nd and May 8th. So, if you tried to order something from the site during that time, and did not use PayPal, then your card would come up as "Declined." We do sincerely apologize for this... it's not you, it's us!
We got them the verification they needed yesterday and have now proven we are up and running for good -- except American Express, which should be good to go by tonight or tomorrow at the latest. We actually lost a surprising number of orders this way and hope you haven't forgotten about us!
Anyway, I can hear the bees buzzing... it would be nice if our knowledge can be practically applied to smooth out our remaining years before 2012, and this is one case where it will definitely make a difference.
I've had quite the pity party here, and gorged myself on my cupcake of victimhood, so I'll go saunter off now and rest my swollen belly in the sun, feeling vindicated at last... and get back to my 100-hour-a-week-plus work schedule! <burp>
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