The old systems of happiness are no longer supporting many of us... and we grieve as a result. Identifying and understanding grief is the first step to healing the pain you may have been feeling.
Many people in the Western world are born into families with relatively loving parents, fairly good prosperity and support. They get involved in clubs or play socially-sanctioned sports in school, have a decent circle of friends, feel satisfied by the entertainment they can get from music, film, TV and outdoor recreation, and settle down nicely into a niche of family love after graduation.
They get married, have children, find a job that is tolerable and have a supportive framework to fall back on. They earn enough money to take a vacation now and then, buy new stuff and support the family. It's a tried-and-true formula that goes all the way back to the age of "stone knives and bearskins."
Others, with more drive or intellectualism, will go on through university, possibly including graduate degrees, and develop themselves to fill a certain niche in society. They work hard and end up being able to go into a job where they get "paid to be smart," and the title after their name confers a modern sense of nobility and royalty. They may have to wait until after they get a career established, but they too eventually 'settle down', form a family, and find happiness.
THE COLLAPSE OF MAINSTREAM HAPPINESS
If this system was 'working' for you, then chances are you wouldn't be here, reading this, right now. More and more people are finding disillusionment within the 'conventional' systems. Here are a few examples, going through increasingly greater levels of emotional charge:
Sports heroes reveal how fractured they are as people. Mike Tyson gets accused of raping women, and bites the ear of his opponent in frustration when he is losing a boxing match. OJ Simpson appears to have killed his wife, and was ready to 'confess' with his book If I Did It. The latest winner of the Tour de France was found guilty of using steroids.
Star athletes get caught cheating on their wives, making racist or homophobic contents, get busted for DUI or drug possession, and it goes on and on. "Heroes" are revealed to have critical flaws, denying us the opportunity to put them on the pedestals we so desperately want to create. By projection, the men WATCHING the sports become 'guilty by implication,' since they still want to idolize these athletes.
Fewer and fewer 'fans' actually play sports of their own anymore. Obesity grows while their urge for athletics becomes satisfied by TV and film. Various movies attempt to revive the traditional role of the sports figure as hero, but the news keeps making that position harder and harder to defend.
As a result, many women develop a hidden resentment towards sports, and men who want to 'watch the game' are increasingly discovering that they pay a heavy price for it. The more they want to watch, the more they sacrifice stability and peace in the relationship. Hence they are increasingly likely to take it to a private location, with 'just the guys', as otherwise it's too dangerous.
The sexually exploitive 'jock' commercials heavily contribute to this problem, making it all the harder to maintain a relationship and a sports fetish at the same time. The overwhelming message in many of the beer commercials now is that sports fans are NOT 'getting lucky,' but maybe if they get drunk enough they might gather up enough confidence to have a fighting chance in a bar.
If you are watching one of these commercials and get turned on by the women you see, it's entirely possible that your companion will shoot a nearly imperceptible sideways glance at you, just long enough to see how you are reacting. If your enjoyment is too obvious, you'll mysteriously find yourself in trouble about something else unrelated within the next 24 hours or so.
This goes for public situations where you might see a beautiful woman as well. Only the slickest guys are able to completely subvert their biological instincts and NOT have the 'telling reaction' on their face they believe is subtle enough that no one would notice.
Hint: they do notice. Every time.
Most women will immediately, instinctively look at you when you are looking at someone else who might be sexy... it might seem sad, but it's true. Generally it's a function of a deep lack of self-confidence, regardless of what everyone else thinks and says about how beautiful and wonderful she is. The highly distorted and over-sexualized media presentation of women is largely responsible for this paralyzing self-doubt that is now epidemic in our society.
Similarly, the idea of the government as a 'benevolent father' is falling apart with unprecedented speed. Never before have politicians looked so universally unpleasant and reprehensible. The male tendency to 'talk politics' -- particularly when it delves into the shadowy realms of government conspiracy -- is yet another way to quickly beat the life out of a relationship. Most people really just don't want to hear about it.
All the institutions of Science are changing so fast that you have untold numbers of people who spent years of their lives, and hundreds of thousands of dollars, becoming experts in fields that have since become obsolete. Read a few articles on this site, or the free CONVERGENCE books in particular, and you'll start seeing how flawed our current mainstream models really are.
If scientists openly acknowledge what is happening, then their funding very likely gets pulled. As a result, they have to dig in their heels and defend the old way of doing things, as their current life depends on it. A deep grief hides under the surface, as some part of them KNOWS that their cherished beliefs are just that -- beliefs, not supportable by the latest evidence.
LOVE AND MARRIAGE
Marriages are falling apart at an unprecedented rate. Women are adopting more and more traditionally masculine roles and behaviors, and often feel the need to prove they are 'equal' in every way. To even hint that they are NOT equal (despite obvious gender differences and the fact that men cannot bear children) is to be accused of 'sexism' and 'bigotry'.
At the same time, men are increasingly becoming sensitive, emotional and internally fragile and wounded, as more and more women refuse to tolerate any of their 'traditional' masculine qualities.
It is clear that the 'patriarchy' is destroying this planet, in terms of the old-school way of doing things we still see in government and law. Women know that if they had more of a fighting chance to influence politics, there's no way things would have gotten this bad. Yet, since it goes on, ALL forms of masculine energy end up being attacked as if they were evil -- including the basic behaviors of men.
The typical male's response now is to wall off his natural masculine qualities. Rather than developing a mature masculinity, he reverts back to a childlike state with his partner, becoming increasingly 'needy', weak and vulnerable. He often wants mothering and nurturance from his companion, which in turn creates an 'incest' energy in the woman's mind that practically guarantees their sexual relationship will collapse, often within less than a year.
Spiritual teachings almost uniformly focus on feminine archetypes, and the more well-read a guy is on these principles, the more likely he is to become a "BFF" (Best Friend Forever) with a woman he's interested in, while discovering she has no sexual interest in him. If he's lucky, he might get a chance for intimate relations at the beginning, but then the bottom quickly falls out of the relationship.
[Almost every guy I counseled, while I still had my practice, was getting stuck in this trap at some point or another.]
Then he is bewildered as to why she keeps falling for "@$$ho!es" instead... and feels it's only a matter of time before she 'comes to her senses' and converts their friendship into a relationship, or BACK into a relationship.
Of course, this never happens... and the frustration grows to the point where the friendship ends prematurely. Both sides rail on with their friends about how they were 'screwed' by the other person, and indulge in feeling victimized.
THE DANGEROUS GAME
Along similar lines, in my own age group, huge numbers of 'empowered' women have focused on career until their early to mid-30s, and then suddenly feel a desperate, gnawing emptiness that makes them wish they could have children -- to the point that they can become quite obsessed, and far too vocal about what they want. This has become enormously prevalent in our society -- but is still not being openly discussed with any regularity.
It's as if the legal contract, and promise of the whole 'family package', is often the modern thirty-something woman's necessary entry fee before her prospective boyfriend can form a couple with her and 'play'. She doesn't want to "waste her time" with a guy who won't deliver precisely what she demands, because she knows she only has a few child-bearing years left to go.
She now realizes feminism was a mistake -- at least as far as how it got her totally focused on career, and left her without a child of her own. As a result, male-female relations have often become so strained that no guy dares enter into a relationship with all those expectations going in. It's simply too dangerous.
Given that there are fewer and fewer good-paying jobs out there, and an ever-increasing cynicism about the longevity of a relationship, children are increasingly seen as a nuisance and distraction, not to mention a hazardous economic drain. Every guy knows he will end up paying for the rest of his life if his marriage doesn't work out.
Furthermore, since the majority of marriages DON'T work out, he's not likely to be the lucky one who beats the odds. Everyone knows multiple examples of women who have admittedly taken unfair advantage of this system, and think nothing of bleeding their ex-husbands dry.
THE MISSING LINK
The average person is becoming quite upset with the way things are going in the world, and like most people, they will spend the vast majority of their time stuffing it down, ignoring it and trying to act like everything is fine. Then they come to a website like this and say they want to have a spiritual experience. They want to find out what their 'Purpose' is. They want to connect with their Higher Self.
Let me make it simple. Our grief is anchored in 'core trauma', which can be traced all the way back to what I call the "Original Wound". This "Original Wound" is the secret key, the missing link, the common denominator of ALL forms of pain we will ever feel, and ALL forms of addictive behavior we will ever find ourselves stuck in.
So what is this Original Wound -- this master key to unlock ALL suffering we get stuck in, no matter how overwhelming it might seem? The definition is simple:
"The Original Wound is the ILLUSION that God has abandoned us."
Sure, you can split hairs and replace "God" with something like "The Universe," "The Creator," "The Universe," "our Higher Power," et cetera, but the underlying point is still the same.
Come back tomorrow, and I will write more about how this Original Wound affects you, causes pain in relationships, and can be totally healed, bringing you back to complete peace within yourself... and in your relationships with others. In the meantime, just meditate on it and see what you can come up with.
Since we are going through an "Ascension" at this time, as an entire planet, it is essential that we master not only our interactions with others, but our attitude towards ourselves. Never before in Earth's history have there been so many ways in which we can feel abandoned, isolated, alone and threatened... and this makes it all the more powerful if you can break through to a truly peaceful, positive and happy life.
I am living proof -- along with many other students of this material -- that it IS possible to work your way through to a point where your life is NOT defined by grief, but rather by joy. You can keep hacking away at the branches of the tree, believing that all these issues with others can make you happy, or you can go for the roots... and resolve your own issues with God, with your Higher Power... with your SELF.
Once you do that, everything else will fall into place. It may take time, but it WILL happen -- and everything will magically shift for you.
We will write more NEW content tomorrow, hopefully... a host of un-anticipated issues (mostly positive) have arisen in the meantime that require our attention. We discovered that "Healing" and other readings like it somehow missed our error corrections... so we fixed "Healing" and will try to fix up the other readings as time permits.
TO BE CONTINUED...
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