Sunday, July 9, 2006
It has been a while since I've posted on this website now that I have a full-time job as a film producer and creative director. If you're interested in what's going on, give me a minute to share some things with you.
Ah, life. We never know for sure how long we have, do we? The body is a frail and easily damaged machine that gives us the opportunity to experience apparently separate consciousness for a short period of time. And then we re-enter the Great Beyond, either to reincarnate again in third-density or hopefully to graduate - proving that we've learned our lessons enough from this world that we are ready to move on up.
It is not easy for a sensitive person to exist in this world. Heck, at this point it's not easy for anyone to exist in this world. Like it or not, more and more stark realities are intruding in the apparent comfort of our "normal" material lives. The gas prices are high, jobs are harder to come by and often much more competitive than before, relationships seem to be increasingly difficult to maintain, the weather is changing in increasingly obvious ways (including shutting down the IRS by flooding... I know, what a tragedy) and of course, the government. The government.
Even if Bush's approval ratings are claimed to be at 32 percent at the moment, it isn't hard to figure out that of those 32 percent, untold ethical and moral dilemmas are brewing in their minds. If you regularly hit www.tbrnews.org on Wednesday and Saturday-ish like I do, and read the highly informative Voice of the White House and Controlling the News sections, then you are already well aware of the bigger picture, and how these poll numbers are artificially inflated as much as is possible. Mark Morford's latest missive at http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/gate/archive/2006/07/07/notes070706.DTL probably illustrates where a majority of people have arrived in their minds.
The experiences of my own life have proven to me, without a shadow of doubt, that we live in a highly structured reality - and ultimately I do not see the so-called 'negative elite' as a threat. They merely fulfill a function of mirroring the collective negativity of humanity back to itself. All along there have been niches of the Internet that really focus on this material to a great deal, and I am a walking encyclopedia of this type of stuff from my daily diet of Prison Planet, TBRNews, Rense.com, Arctic Beacon and Drudge Report for perspective.
Those sites are about as far as I ever cast the net, and Rense's site seems to vacuum up almost every article of this type that is written. I only skim about 4-5 of these a day and skip the majority of content because it is so repetitive and ultimately doesn't help me grow enough for me to invest time in it.
Furthermore I see no need to write about government conspiracies because so much excellent content alredy exists. For years I spent two or more hours a day reading about Clinton, Bush and others, but I know that ultimately I am here to evolve as a spiritual being. Once I accepted and integrated the fact that there are people pursuing both positive and negative paths, and could still see the sacramental nature of all things, then I really felt no need to focus on the allegedly more confused of the two methods of serving the Creator.
Since I consciously desire to serve on the positive path, I focus on providing content that gives a ray of hope in an often depressing environment. This has now taken me to Santa Monica, California, where I am a stone's throw from Hollywood and am working to produce the groundbreaking 'inspiration film' Convergence. Though "What the Bleep Do We Know?!" cracked the door open, no one has yet made the truly definitive paradigm-shifting film. By most standards Bleep was a sleeper film and it strongly lacked production value. I believe, as do many others, that it only set the stage for a much larger success to follow. What happened wtih "Da Vinci Code" seems to prove that the market exists for such a groundbreaking docu-drama...
Last year I audited the entire nine-foot stack worth of research materials I have printed out since 1996 and have distilled it down into a film trilogy of material. We may or may not draw from the second and third film outlines and put the "best" of it into the first film, as there is still plenty of material to spawn as many sequels as the market asks for. At this point we are involved in a total script rewrite and have utterly eliminated the screenplay we completed before - though our investor DVD still has a 7-minute promo film that is entirely based on the original storyline.
Most film investors want to see "script coverage," which is where your script is analyzed by 'script doctors' who give it a score between 1 (god-awful) and 15 (totally amazing). There are plenty of films that get made that would score well below a 10, but we're not calling it "done" until we're at 12 or higher. If we are at 11 but could get to 12, say, then the script doctors' job is to tweak the film so as to make the grade. Our previous script, which I largely wrote myself, was probably about a 5 at best. I don't judge myself for this because I'm not a screenwriter and there is a strong art that goes in to the craft - an art I have not studied and therefore cannot be competitive in.
So, we raised some additional money recently from our same core investors, and have hired a professional screenwriter, who I have daily discussions with, to help us finish the job. The idea now is to make the film much more emotional, so it could be viewed as a silent film and still largely understood, without eliminating or de-emphasizing the new science informing the project.
We are also allowing synchronicity to work its magic as the writing goes on, rather than try to hammer out the whole film in treatment form before pen ever hits paper. I can say that the first few new scenes have been written and I think it's going to be amazing - taking a character not unlike the female antagonist in "The Devil Wears Prada" and running her through a complete hero's journey arc involving waking up to this new science of consciousness.
Much of the science in the film has never been published on this site or anywhere else in one collection. I have been asked to protect the buzz of the film so that the surprises aren't spoiled. This material, if properly presented, could have a major effect on how the average person sees themselves by revealing the scientific facts of their own mind and how it is connected to the minds of others. It's not going to be sci-fi like the Matrix, and everything that we mention in the film will be based on the most rigorously provable scientific discoveries my research turned up.
So... are we going to attack 'the government' in this film? No. None of the research I've put together for any of the three films deals with the negative elite, Illuminati, whatever you want to call them. We're too early in the script-writing process to know whether or not there will be a villain who in some senses represents the shadowy world of cover-ups, but if such a plot did make it in, it would probably stay at the level of individual character dramas rather than massive conspiracies.
Why not use this film to attack the negative? Simply this... plenty of this information already exists in public domain, with "A Scanner Darkly" adding to the likes of "V for Vendetta" and "Fahrenheit 911". I'm more interested in waking people up to their OWN reality as a multi-dimensional being than pointing a finger at some person or group and declaring them the enemy.
My research has shown that our civilization moves in cycles of activity, and the same events replay themselves again and again. Every time that a government has attracted large amounts of negative sentiment from the people, it falls away. History is an excellent teacher. In fact, I believe that time itself operates in a cyclical fashion, and there is indeed a 'script' that humanity keeps running through, again and again, hopefully improving on the basic points here and there. Since we're at the end of a major cycle on Earth, we are being presented wtih human dramas that re-enact every major struggle that has ever burned in the hearts of men and women in their many incarnations on this planet.
So, getting back to the big picture, and material that is too estoteric for the Convergence films, the game is a lot bigger than what we see here in front of us. Apparently in the future I am one of many people who have merged into a "social memory complex" that has gone by many names throughout time, including Ra. This is apparently one of three major "sixth-density" groups that are assisting the Earth at this time, each of which are millions of years more evolved than humanity, which is still "third-density" in its vibration. The second group is apparently known as the "Ancients" and the third group was not named in the Law of One series, a body of material channeled in 1981-84 that I place in a unique, stand-alone category regarding its credibility.
On November 10, 1996, just one day shy of 11/11, an entire lifetime worth of seeking and four years worth of writing my dreams down every day built up to a direct contact with what I first called my "dream voice." Nothing could have prepared me for the effect this breakthrough would have on my life. I had taken a few months off from low-wage jobs and eventually had to ask my grandparents for 700 dollars to cover my bills, and the contact did not begin until I took enough responsibility to get another job. I also had to finalize my separation from my first girlfriend, who was now back in Japan.
For about the past month now, I've been transcribing a backlog of 16 cassettes' worth of dreams and personal / global readings from November 1998 to March 1999. By that time I was six months into a self-employed lifestyle where I was doing readings, first at 80 dollars for the first few months, then 100 dollars when I took the business online in early 99, and eventually 150 dollars a client somewhere around 2002. That's as high as my rate ever went, due to how sensitive I was to people accusing me of being a "cult leader" and / or manipulating others to make money, but that rate made me unable to ever break above a minimum subsistence-level income at best. The maximum number of clients I could ever do in a week was four, and even that was exhausting. And once I was booked out four a week, three weeks a month, for a year and a half into the future, there was no possibilty of ethically raising my rate once I realized that I had undercut myself.
People don't realize that an entire day of my life, my time, my productivity, my soul is devoted to the person who would have a session that day. The dreams I have are about them, and I even seemed to experience some of their karma as if it were my own. At this point I am still not taking clients at all, and haven't since last August. I know some intuitives say it's a great heartbreak to stop doing readings, but for me it felt like a marvelous burst of freedom. I had my own dreams, my own psychic space returned to me. It's been a great opportunity to get back in touch with who I am, rather than living my life as if I were the revolving door at the front of an office building of the Divine. Now as a producer I pull just enough money for my simple monthly needs from our modest initial film funding, including one or two restaurant indulgences a week and an occasional software purchase, and I'm perfectly happy with that. The film work gives me enough time to do what I'm doing right now.
Anyway, the amazing point I wanted to end this entry on is that I was strongly guided to go back in and transcribe these 16 tapes from 98-99 about a month ago. I have spent this entire client-free year working on healing and cleansing myself. I did not want to do readings or really even post to this website at all while I was in this process, because I was dealing with the deepest, most painful issues in my life and trying to really work through them once and for all. I did not feel confident enough in myself to trust that I would be writing or channeling from a beneficial place, as these issues are very sensitive and the Hollywood film biz, with its fast pace and false faces, was qutie a transition for me to make.
Now I feel I've finished the job to at least a fair degree. Some of the oldest and longest-standing psychological issues, which I marginalized and did not deal with, were allowed to completely flood me and grip me in the process of healing. I tasted the darkness and did not distract myself, but moved through the energy. It was pure synchronicity that as I was finishing this process, my Cayce story hit the covers of mainstream newsstands all across America. It does seem to have created a focal point, in the consciousness sense, that casts its shadow into the past.
I have been utterly astounded at the degree to which these dreams and readings from seven and a half years ago are tying in data points that are happening now. I had no conscious idea I'd ever be doing a film, but this material is precisely giving me where I would live, what I would be doing in film, the names and characters of the people I'd be working with, and even silly details like the fact that I have sweet potatoes that have gone to sprout on top of my refrigerator.
Furthermore, some of the readings are clearly addressing me in the Now, while others are clearly addressing me in 1998-99. I have never claimed to be perfect as a channeler, and it has been quite a process to see how the conscious mind could interfere at certain points and alter the flow of information. Usually a reading would come in and comment about it later on, when I was too deep to know what I was saying. Now that I have the benefit of time, I can recall exactly what type of state produces the greatest quality of work, and for my next trick I will try to do better readings than ever before, where I can maintain that depth of trance the entire time.
It's a harder type of reading to do, because at those levels you literally have no awareness whatsoever of what is being said. The vast majority of this 7-year-old material is completely new to me, and again, when I hit the right depth and quality of trance, it speaks as if it were just written today, addressing my current conflicts and concerns with amazing insight and wisdom, giving the names and situations involved, et cetera.
I've now gotten through fourteen and a half out of 16 tapes. There is still also six months of untranscribed material beginning in January 2001, where I was in a most poignant period of misery a good bit of the time. As of July of that year I finally stopped tape-recording myself in the mornings and began typing my dreams directly into the laptop when I got up. This has created a great environment for dreamwork to occur, but also essentially signaled the death knell of having lots of little fragments of readings that I would do for myself and for a general readership.
My goal is to get back to more regular readings now. Both times I fell off in transcription, I was feeling a certain degree of animosity towards my own self, in the future sense of the term. I knew that on some level I was millions of years in the future as Ra, setting up all these lessons and heartbreaks so I could learn and evolve in the Now. The personality self in me, i.e. the 'ego,' didn't have to like it, though, particularly because of the scope and the extent of the misery I had to go through.
However, I failed to transcribe both periods where the largest of these lessons played out, and thus I was not even aware of the very real warnings that I had given myself about what would happen if I followed these paths. I felt that I had been "tricked" into these directions, while not actually seeing the extent to which they were OPTIONAL, and I set them up for my own evolution.
If there's a pattern in your life and the same garbage keeps happening again and again, the chances are that there's something you're not seeing. For me, with all my metaphysical study and lofty brain-power, it did end up coming back to the Old Standard - self-acceptance. No matter how "out there" you get, it always comes back to forgiving yourself and accepting yourself. The need for self-forgiveness is written all over the Law of One series but I was quite surprised at how little emphasis I placed on it, and how much I had to clear to find it when I had a friend conduct a "rebirthing" session on me recently, which I really did not enjoy at all but moved a great deal of material in a short time.
Well, I feel like this is done now. I said what I needed to say. I'm finally clear enough that I feel good about myself again, and have worked through the awesome abuse that I endured at the hands of others I truly loved and trusted. I am definitely not searching for a romantic relationship at this time, and can genuinely say that I enjoy living by myself and having my own private space. This is a great step of progress for me, because in the past I was so unable to live alone that I pulled too heavily on those around me, and inadvertently created separation and dissent in the process.
I seem to have continuously attracted persecutors into my life - people who see my talents and abilities as challenges to argue over rather than as strengths to collaborate with. Some of these situations caused me such pain that I could barely function, and would often stay up very late at night just writing and writing and writing in my private journals about it all, which was my primary form of self-healing therapy since I have not used food or chemicals in an addictive way since I quit all alcohol and substance abuse as of September 22, 1992, and began studying my dreams immediately thereafter.
Now I seek not to blame others, but to understand myself - why I am who I am, what it means to live this life, how I can be happy with myself, how I can best serve others. There is great freedom in releasing yourself from your own prison of judgment and condemnation. It's really hard to do that when the others you feel you care the most about are not able to accept you. Nonetheless once you start accepting yourself, your whole reality changes and you start attracting people who DO treat you how you want to be treated. You lose that beacon on your head that cries out "Kick Me" and, without coming from a feeling of need, replace it with "Love Me" instead.
I hope this message has brought you some love and wisdom.
Peace be with you -
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