halexandriaangel and raynebowolf, i wasn't sure whether to post my thoughts or not, but i have decided to now.
i have experienced similar. maybe we shouldn't be blaming the children however.
perhaps these children are highly energetic individuals, whether physically/ mentally or both, who simply are not designed by nature to fit into the unnatural kind of society as we know it. perhaps in a world where it is safe to let these children play outside in nature, in fresh air, and with others- at any time- without worrying about them.....then their behaviour problems as they currently are would not exist. instead the majority of humanity has to live much of its life cooped up indoors, turning to computer games and such for stimulation instead of being outside, running around and receiving the healing benefits of trees and sunshine which can heal the body, mind and spirit.
i feel in my heart, that the connection nature is very important to the human soul. i mean actually as part of one's life-style, working in harmony with the earth rather than working against her; trying to control or manipulate nature. we can even help to raise the vibration of nature by raising our own consciousness to work with her, with love and nurturing.
i'm not sure where these words are coming from exactly as i myself have not had the chance to live this way of life....i have tears in my eyes as i type this because i feel it so deeply in my heart, i almost feel like i am crying for the people who lived this way of life and hand it taken from them, their land replaced by all these cities, which ever since i was a child, felt were not good for human beings to live in. if at the time i ever expressed these feelings i would be ridiculed.
i don't know what the immediate answer is, concerning your children, and that also goes for my own. i just feel we need to love them, accept them for who they are, be as patient as we can and allow them to make mistakes......isn't that why we are here.....to learn from our mistakes?
also, halexandriaangel, i wonder what it is your daughter is feeling inside herself, deep down, that is causing herself to express herself in such ways on the surface? the only way to find a solution is to find and understand the root core of something.
as far as the whole sto and sts thing.......in my own opinion.....there ideally needs to be a balance between the two. for example, in order to be of any good to others, we must first take care of ourselves. secondly, there is a time to give and a time to take. it's tuning ourselves in to that balanced sense of timing which i believe is the key. to give a another example....in my own personal experience parents that are too selfless tend to create selfish children. on the other hand, people i've known whose own parents were on the selfish side tend to be very giving and more selfless. i think there is a balance. (i hope i haven't offended anyone).
i hope this helps.
just sharing some of my personal feelings on the matter.