My Experience; Expanded from my previous post in this thread
My experience this past year has actually been stable and progressive but I must say that the time from 2007 to about mid 2011 was quite a tough ride. In those 4 years, I experienced cycles of heightened energy and presence, followed by short bursts of uber-mundaneness, then more sensations of a shift in my inner reality. Not much seemed to be changing around me; it all felt very internal. At times I felt as if I was locked in a struggle against some vicious, horrifying monster which existed on an entirely different level of reality. This thing made me feel FOR CERTAIN (like, very heavy emphasis there) that I was soon going to a hell worse than anything you could ever imagine for some transgression in a past life that I could not remember. Its entire logic was based on the old world religion structure that maintained that god could be harmed by the actions of humans and thus some people did deserve to go to hell. But let's be clear here; I don't believe in "god". I believe in Source, something much more universal and spiritual than any human construction has ever been able to concoct.
This presence took a lot of highly focused meditative/energy working techniques for me to finally dispel and when it was finally gone, I had no recognition whatsoever of the previous encounters I had with it. The way I have come to classify the experience of it now is that if there was ever a mental/spiritual equivalent of the pain one feels when they are set on fire or otherwise brutalized, this was it. I have tried to get a glimpse of exactly what I felt back then but a much higher part of myself screams at me not to do this. It's as if the memory of such a thing was so intense that it shouldn't be actively buffered in my mind and thus from my perspective now, I have no active ability to recall those experiences. Seriously, it's one of the most bizarre things I have ever been through...
Since the very end of 2009, I have taken up a special type of meditative practice meant to keep me in the gear necessary to combat these types of conscious anomalies. These anomalies are ones which react upon your psychic self as if they were ballistic projectiles; they sting you with a range of negative sensations ranging from rage, to shame, to anything in between. Most of the the time as well they come totally unprovoked and at random. I could be making a PB&J and lightly contemplating some quirky nonsense when BANG I feel this horrible sensation of grief, or anger, or shame. Some may think this sounds like bipolar disorder but for me, I can tell when one of these "projectiles" is successfully blocked by my defenses. It's obvious to my senses that my own attitude is not engaging an inner conflict with symptoms of such dark feelings occurring as a result.
My approach to psychic defense has been one of "appropriate balance". What I mean by that is that sometimes a simple, tranquil mindset does not cut it. There are times when instead I need a mindset powered by energies which burn a lot hotter... the term that comes to my mind is "divine wrath" a kind of vibration that is not founded in hatred or egotism but rather the drive to undermine the truly negative vibe, one which is indeed founded in hate and ego. I guess part of what I'm trying to purvey with this post is that in my experience, one does not need to limit themselves to utter stillness meditations in order to know their higher self. I am not against regularly asserting stillness of the spirit and indeed do a good bit of that kind of meditation, but there are other wavelengths of energy one can use in their explorations of their higher selves.
Many people would look at me and see a totally normal guy but my inner reality can be quite the paradox at times. I wanted to share my experience with any who may find my input relevant. As always, keep it real people keep evolving!
In many ways more than ONE, all for ONE.