i was (and still am) going thru all of this. i know how you feel, but i can only tell you that you're on a good way. forgivenes and allowance is a state which you can achieve very quickly, only if you stop questioning. why, what, where, who...simply don't ask, this is something you shouldn't realy care. just be you!
i've allways told my thruth, wheather some liked it or not. but i also allowe all other to tell their thruth too. it's all about feelings and how do you feel when telling your thruth and listening to other thruts. if you're able to find the right balance, you'll be more acceptive of some other, higher thruths.
higher thruth brings you higher awakening, this further brings you higher forgivenes and higher allowance. and so on and so on...
and some beautiful day...some day you'll find our thruth. at that very moment when you'll recognise this, you'll know you've find the balance and found your inner peace. and yes, you'll find that you're in love with all that is!!
it took me a while to understand this, and i still struggle sometimes to stay calm when i see things that i don't like! especially i sometimes struggle in the relationship with my own children.but i'm happy that they're here to teach me some higher trhuths! and i love them very much, beyond all that is!
so be sure to stay who you are. don't change yourself just for the sake of others! be prepared to accept all that is, as this is the only way to find your inner balance.
and it will not take long, you'll recognise that you're right here, at the right time, doing the right things. and this will be your earthly awakening!
don't allow negativity to influence you. try to dismiss the negativites from your vocabularity such as: can't, not possible, don't, no way and many more.
you have to realise that there are no limits. everything is possible. just don't ask how or why or...don't ask, be and do what you please.
even a spiritual awakening in this live and this density is possible!!!!
and yes, please follow your hearth! stay as you are, as you seem to be an angel here on earth, helping (pleasing) other people. i know it is frustrating sometimes, i'm the same.
but i learned that i don not need to be rewarded from those that i offer my help and please.
i receive my reward everyday, every moment. just allow to receive!
and you'll feel much better
I am who I am, and we are all one as I am one.