Ascension Humor

[wintersun]

i love rah and the law of won!!! that's great. thanks.

yeah, me to :d

[3D Sunset]

(as always, we ask you use your discernment as to what resonates with you, and to disregard that which does not. by the way, this one is my favorite session to date… 3d sunset)

session 3, march 11, 2006

rah: i am rah. we greet you in the spirit and uniform of the one infinite scorer. we participate with you now.

questioner: we noticed during today’s tailgate party that the instrument kept feeling dizzy and needed to rest a lot. can you tell us what was happening to her?

rah: i am rah. we can.

(silence ensues)

questioner: oh yeah, right. ah, will you tell us what happened?

rah: i am rah. the instrument was suffering from a psychic attack from the “offense”.

questioner: the offense? who, or what, is that?

rah: i am rah. to answer this question, we again need to cover some intervening material. we suggest that you inquire as to the purpose for rah’s contact.

questioner: you know, we were wondering about that, please consider it asked.

rah: i am rah. at this present space/time and time/space nexus, your planetary sphere is moving from what is cosmically referred to as the “third inning” or “period” into the “fourth inning”. as your planet spirals, like a well thrown football, so to speak, into the loving arms of the next period of competition, so too do the mind/body/spirit complexes prepare for the final evaluation of all 3p entities in this time period. this process is called the “draft”.

questioner: dude, you have got the weirdest way of talking! you know that? what is this space/time, time/space junk? i can follow the football and sports analogies kind of, but what is a mind/body/spirit complex?

rah: i am rah. we are sorry if we are difficult to understand. we communicate through a narrow band through which we attempt to induce only the minimal possible distortions to the law of won. we will attempt to speak more colloquially, please remain patient as we scan the planetary consciousness for a better dialect.

questioner: so, let me get this straight, you say we are all of the 3rd inning or period, all of us here on earth today? how many innings are there in total?

rah: i am rah. yo, homeboy, you got that right! there’s eighta dem innings, blood, you see the light!

(at this point, rah broke into a rap song about 3p which the scribe could not write down because his beer spewed through his nose and left eye-ball at the sight of clara suddenly dancing on the table after donning on a baseball cap backward. it was only due to a fortunate twist of fate that dan was able to rescue the napkins from this deluge.)

questioner: woaw, woaw! ah…….. i think i liked the other way better.

rah: i am rah. yo! really? uh, i kinda enjoyed that, actually. okay, well then back to the old rah. indeed, all human mind/body/spirit complexes are of 3p. there are also a great many “walk-ons” that have chosen to incarnate at this time into 3p mind/body/spirit vehicles in order to aid the planet and its people during this time of draft. there are eight periods in total, each achieving greater and greater competitive powers and abilities, until in the final inning of this octave, all individualized instances of the one infinite scorer come together in a grand final competition that is held at the end of the universe.

questioner: so, if we are 3p entities. of what inning is rah?

rah: i am rah. we are of mid 6th inning, typically referred to as the bottom of the 6th.

questioner: now, you said that we are living at a time of the draft? what is that? and what are walk-ons?

rah: i am rah. the draft, occurs approximately every 25,000 times your planetary sphere circumnavigates its central star. during this time, the one infinite scorer sends his scouts to identify those mind/body/spirit complexes which have achieved sufficient spirit and competitive acuity to transition to the next inning. those that are drafted, will progress to 4p, those that are not will repeat again the games of 3p on a different planet suitable for these purposes. walk-ons are entities from higher periods that chose to come now to provide love and spirit to the 3p entities striving to be selected in the 4p draft.

questioner: so, the walk-ons are sort of like cheerleaders?

rah: i am rah. in a manner of speaking, we suppose that is an appropriate analogy, but somewhat lacking in that walk-ons not only cheer, but also participate in the various games inherent in 3p. it should also be noted, that walk-ons go through the same forgetting process before incarnating on earth, and so must also pierce the helmet of forgetfulness in order to remember their planned roles here.

questioner: um, i’ll have to think about that some and perhaps ask more in the next session. but ah, what does all this have to do with clara’s dizziness?

rah: i am rah. patience, oh querier, is a virtue, we were getting to that. you see, the real purpose behind 3p is for each individualized portion of the one infinite scorer to choose the method through which it will further compete and raise its spirit in the later innings of the octave. each entity must choose whether to be of offensive or defensive polarity. those of rah as well as those of this group are of the more helpful and supportive of these, the defensive polarity.

questioner: and the entity causing the dizziness? was of offensive polarity?

rah: i am rah. that is correct, those of offensive polarity seek always to score and improve their offensive statistics, or polarity, at any cost.

questioner: what was the aim of the offensive entity, in the attack on clara?

rah: i am rah. it sought to remove the instrument from this plane, thus allowing it to feed on the instrument’s spirit, taking it for its own, thus adding to its statistics, and leaving the mind/body portion of the instrument’s mind/body/spirit complex lifeless and spiritless, unable to further compete on this plane.

questioner: woaw! that’s pretty harsh! couldn’t it be happy with just her t-shirt or something, maybe a foam finger making a big #1 sign?

rah. i am rah. the nature of the offense is to score, and score in the biggest way possible at any given moment. fortunately, your harmonious group had sufficient strength of spirit, focused on the one infinite scorer, that the offensive entity was only able to cause a slight dizziness to the instrument. in so doing, you successfully defended the spirit of your harmonious group, thus increasing your statistics and defensive polarity. do have the instrument check after this session, however, to make sure that the offensive entity did not take any of her what you refer to by the sound vibratory complex “undergarments”. they are prone to do that when all else fails. we scan your party and note that you will also discover that your keg is now empty.

questioner: why did the offensive entity seek out the instrument?

rah. i am rah. through our contact with this group, we have produced quite a bright light in time/space that acts almost like a neon “free food, eat here!” sign to those of offensive polarity. it seems that by her more frail nature, the instrument provided the offensive entity the best possible opportunity to disrupt these sessions and build spirit. we regret that this is so, and, like totally understand, if you wish to discontinue the sessions in order to avoid placing the instrument in any further danger.

questioner: did you just say “like totally understand?”

rah. i am rah. we did. we thought we might, like, try the, what you refer to by the sound vibratory complex “valley girl” colloquialisms.

questioner: trust me, it doesn’t work for you. just stick with spock, okay? now, is there anything else we could do to help better protect the instrument from future attacks?

rah: i am rah. it is possible, through the exercise of, what you refer to as the bisexual intercourse, to provide the instrument with additional energy through the transfer of competitive spirit from yourself or the scribe to her, thus allowing her to better protect herself and giving her more competitive energy to use in these sessions.

questioner: um, i don’t know about that. you say bisexual, with the scribe? ahhhh. i’m not really into that, but i’m not sure about clara, we could ask, i guess.

rah: i am rah. no, you dimwit! not bisexual in that way. we mean bi-sexual. you know bi meaning two, and sexual, meaning different sexes. so relations with two people, one of each sex. don’t be disgusting! either you and the instrument, or the scribe and the instrument. either would be satisfactory for these purposes.

questioner: oh! i guess i didn’t understand. well, if we’d be doing it for the benefit of all of mankind, then i’m sure that clara would probably be willing for us to ‘score one for the infinite scorer’, ah so to speak, before the tailgate parties. but you can absolutely forget about tim and clara. that’ll never happen.

rah: i am rah. ah, we regret to be the one to tell you this, but it already has, twice actually. um, that will be last question of this session. we leave you now to bask in the joy of victory of the one infinite scorer. adios!

(several napkins were lost in the ensuing melee between dan and tim. it is a testament to clara’s vivacious spirit and the group’s steadfast commitment to maintaining the rah contact and continue to exist in harmony that the contact was not lost forever.)

[Alloura]

3d sunset

totally funny!!:d:d

thanks for the light-hearted zingers that capture the spirit of won, i mean one.

love & light

alloura

[3D Sunset]

(as always, we ask you use your discernment as to what resonates with you, and to disregard that which does not.)

session 4, april 2, 2006

rah: i am rah. we greet you in the spirit and uniform of the one infinite scorer. we participate with you now.

questioner: the instrument seems to have been a little out of sorts the last couple of weeks. is this an after effect of the psychic attack before the last session?

rah: i am rah. the psychic attacks have been continuous since their onset prior to the penultimate session. unfortunately, once such a bright beacon beckons in time/space, it does not stop until the spirit and harmony that created it is attenuated or nullified through some form of dissolution of the group either by choice, design, or happenstance.

questioner: you mean, clara may be cranky like this forever?

rah: i am rah. look buddy, if you had the metaphysical equivalent of green bay’s offensive line breathing down your neck, waiting for you to make one little goof, so they can pounce on your soul and devour it, don’t you think you might be a little b****y too?

questioner: i’m sorry, you’re right. i mean i just want her to be happy and healthy. she just seems so distracted lately. and there’s the fact that we can’t seem to keep any beer in the house. we buy it, and it’s gone! just like that! as soon as it’s been in the ‘fridge long enough to be cold, i find the empty bottles on the floor.

rah: i am rah. we note that there may be more affecting the instrument’s mood than just the psychic attack and recommend that the group meditate and consider what other actions and activities have juxtaposed in our lives during the diurnal cycles intervening this and the penultimate session.

previously, we also mentioned the affinity for the malted beverages of offensive entities. we may suggest that you attempt to redirect your taste preferences toward the sweet white wines, a riesling perhaps, also the grapes fermented into the wines referred to your people by the sound vibration complex “white zinfandels” are generally found repulsive by offensive entities. the same is true of garlic in all forms.

questioner: oh, well, thanks for the suggestions, we may give that a try, although i’m not much a beer drinker. what about tequila?

rah: i am rah. if it is always ingested in conjunction with the green citrus fruit you call by the sound vibratory complex “lime”, and a healthy portion of salt, then this can be quite efficacious in warding off offensive entities, at least in terms of keeping them away from your liquid spirits, as it were. it must be noted and remembered, however, that the fermented blue agave by itself has the opposite effect and actually attracts such entities.

questioner: so, a margarita would be okay, then?

rah: i am rah. provided that it included the, as you say, salty rim, yes, this beverage is quite satisfactory in either its frozen or “very cold, very up” variety.

questioner: thank you. now, id like to inquire further regarding some of our earlier sessions. can you tell us how the law of won acts with respect to the upcoming draft?

rah: i am rah. some of this material has been previously covered, we will however recapitulate the teach/learning in its entirety here. the law of won simply states that in all competitions, there are no real winners or losers, in reality, all have won, since underlying all apparent physical illusions, there is in fact and deed, no separation from the one infinite scorer. this elaborate illusion is created to allow the one infinite scorer to add to his experiences through a variety of competitions. those who, finishing a cycle of experience, demonstrate skills, agility, and spirit commensurate with greater levels of competition, will, of their own choice, be separated to the vibratory distortion most comfortable for their future evolution. this process, called the draft, is guarded or watched over by scouts, who, being very close to the law of won in their distortions, nevertheless, move towards active competition.

questioner: i have absolutely no idea what you just said.

rah: i am rah. ugh, law of won, good. competition, good. best players move up to 4p. scouts watch, pick’um best players in draft.

questioner: got it. okay so how does the draft work? do the scouts come down and like, time everybody in the 100 meter dash or something?

rah: i am rah. we do not concern ourselves with the conditions which bring about draft. the changes are very, very trivial.

questioner: changes? did you say changes? what kind of changes? and just how trivial are they?

rah: i am rah. imagine, if you will, all the atoms of your entire planetary sphere instantaneously accelerating outward at the speed of light, and thereby increasing their base or nominal vibratory pattern by a quantum, from the 3p vibratory level to the 4p vibratory level. not a big deal at all really.

questioner: will such a change affect many people on earth when it occurs? will we feel anything when this quantum shift happens?

rah: i am rah. other than in the sense that all earthbound mind/body/spirit complexes will instantaneously be transported from space/time into time/space, thus vacating forever the activated 3p portions of these complexes, and resulting in the activated 3p complexes being placed into potentiation, ah.. no…. you ah, won’t feel a thing. is it getting warm in here?

questioner: so everyone on earth will experience this change. what do you mean when you say “transported from space/time into time/space, thus vacating forever the activated 3p portions of these complexes”?

rah: i am rah. being an incarnate 3p entity, you currently exist in space/time and under the helmet of forgetfulness allowing you to compete freely, unencumbered by your past victories and defeats and knowledge that all are won. upon your taking leave of this plane, you move into time/space whereupon the helmet is removed, and you review the nature and outcomes of the competitions of your previous incarnation and how they further prepared you for future advancement.

questioner: wait a minute, that sounds a lot like you’re describing death. must we die in order to be drafted?

rah: i am rah. each must die according to the nature of the 3p entities in order to move on to 4p. after the normal, as it were, life review, comes the anomaly of the draft. the entity is transported to the stadium of light, wherein each such entity takes the opportunity to climb the bleachers of light, catching metaphysical footballs, thrown lovingly by the scouts, at each step until such step is reached beyond which the throws are too difficult to seize. this defines the level of the individual. there are gradations for each period of the octave, and infinitely subtle gradations within each period. after the catching is completed, if the individual has crossed from the gradations of 3p, into the 4p range, then the individual is drafted, otherwise, the individual returns for another major cycle of 3p existence on another planet.

questioner: wow, so when will this draft occur?

rah: i am rah. the draft is now. this shall be last incarnation on this planet for all mind/body/spirit complexes presently in competition.

questioner: oh, so we will be tested after our normal death, then. nothing special happens to cause the draft. is that correct?

rah: i am rah. it is getting warm in here, we think. weeeeelllllll, hummm, okay, maybe there is a little something kind of, ahh, “special”, that might happen, say sometime in the future, that might kind of sort of “call the current game on account of rain”, so to speak.

questioner: so, how far in the near future are we talking about? for this “special” thing to occur?

rah: i am rah. we read the possibility / probability vortices, and see that it is somewhat likely that some significant “change” should happen in the next four to eight circumnavigations of your planet around its central star.

questioner: and rah is coming here now, in order to help maximize the draft for the defense?

rah: i am rah. this is so. we may note that the terms, offense and defense, although pithy and convenient for the remembering and identification, are somewhat misleading. perhaps more apt descriptions would be “victory to self” and “victory to others”. you see, the underlying predisposition and polarity of an entity has less to do with which role they play in a competition, than how they regard the purpose of the competition and the resulting outcome. the offensive, or victory to self entities consider each victory their sole, or soul, possession, and regard their team mates as subordinate entities of value only to the extent that they help them achieve their goals. defensive entities see such victories as belonging to the team and the other self, largely to the exclusion of the self. that is to say, they compete in order to be of service to other selves either through sharing their victory or through the inherent glory of the victory to the one infinite scorer. upon deeper reflection on this, one will see that both perspectives are equally correct and incorrect with regard to the law of won. it should be further noted, that the one infinite scorer regards both polarities in exactly the same light and love. this shall be the last full question of this session.

questioner: i’ll consider all this and perhaps ask more in the next session. i’ll move on for now. the idea of the law of free competition, sounds very familiar. is it related at all to capitalism and the free markets?

rah: i am rah. you have pierced the outer layer of our teach/learning, oh student! you are correct in seeing that the law of won has much broader application than simply your sports. indeed, it applies as well to your capital markets, international relations, arts, social situations, and your business intercourse. do you have any closing questions at this time?

questioner: well, when you say “business intercourse”, do you mean like what me and julie did in the storage room last week? ‘cause, i really didn’t think you’d see that. other than that, i would like to know if there is anything we can do to improve the contact.

rah. i am rah. (heavy sigh) it seems as though each time you say something insightful, you follow it up with something that makes us wonder if evolution truly plays a part in intelligence in the males of your species. we do not concern ourselves with such 3p matters except as they may affect this contact. we suggest that you contemplate how this “business liaison”, may have something to do with the instrument’s lack of vivacity of late. you should not underestimate the intuitive powers, as it were, of the females of your species. we may recommend the acquisition and delivery of the jeweled adornments, such as bracelets, or earrings, as well as the confections and flora you call by the sound vibratory complex “chocolates” and “roses”, followed by a heart-felt round of groveling, in order to restore the harmony of the group.

there are no mistakes, so do not dwell on past competitions, victories, or defeats. we leave you now to bask in the joy of victory of the one infinite scorer. adios!

[ggw_bach]

originally found at: http://antanavige.com/archives/category/cats?pid=17

[meganarline]

my dear sweet friend "snowflower" sent me this today and i just had to share it.

installing love on the human computer:
tech support: yes, how can i help you?

customer: well, after much consideration, i've decided to install love. can you guide me through the process?

tech support: yes. i can help you. are you ready to proceed?

customer: well, i'm not very technical, but i think i'm ready. what do i do first?

tech support: the first step is to open your heart. have you located your heart?

customer: yes, but there are several other programs running now. is it okay to install love while they are running?

tech support: what programs are running ?

customer: let's see, i have past hurt, low self-esteem, grudge and resentment running right now.

tech support: no problem, love will gradually erase past hurt from your current operating system. it may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. love will eventually override low self-esteem with a module of its own called high self-esteem. however, you have to completely turn off grudge and resentment. those programs prevent love from being properly installed. can you turn those off ?

customer: i don't know how to turn them off. can you tell me how?

tech support: with pleasure. go to your start menu and invoke forgiveness. do this as many times as necessary until grudge and resentment have been completely erased.

customer: okay, done! love has started installing itself. is that normal?

tech support: yes, but remember that you have only the base program. you need to begin connecting to other hearts in order to get the upgrades.

customer: oops! i have an error message already. it says, "error - program not run on external components." what should i do?

tech support: don't worry. it means that the love program is set up to run on internal hearts, but has not yet been run on your heart. in non-technical terms, it simply means you have to love yourself before you can love others.

customer: so, what should i do?

tech support: pull down self-acceptance; then click on the following files: forgive-self; realize your worth; and acknowledge your limitations.

customer: okay, done.

tech support: now, copy them to the "my heart" directory. the system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming.
also, you need to delete verbose self-criticism from all directories and empty your recycle bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.


customer: got it. hey! my heart is filling up with new files. smile is playing on my monitor and peace and contentment are copying themselves all over my heart. is this normal?

tech support: sometimes. for others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. so love is installed and running.

one more thing before we hang up. love is freeware. be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. they will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.

customer: thank you, god.

god/tech support: you're welcome, anytime.
- anon

love,

megan

[Jetamus]

questioner: so, let me get this straight, you say we are all of the 3rd inning or period, all of us here on earth today? how many innings are there in total?

rah: i am rah. yo, homeboy, you got that right! there’s eighta dem innings, blood, you see the light!

(at this point, rah broke into a rap song about 3p which the scribe could not write down because his beer spewed through his nose and left eye-ball at the sight of clara suddenly dancing on the table after donning on a baseball cap backward. it was only due to a fortunate twist of fate that dan was able to rescue the napkins from this deluge.)

questioner: woaw, woaw! ah…….. i think i liked the other way better.

rah: i am rah. yo! really? uh, i kinda enjoyed that, actually. okay, well then back to the old rah. indeed, all human mind/body/spirit complexes are of 3p. there are also a great many “walk-ons” that have chosen to incarnate at this time into 3p mind/body/spirit vehicles in order to aid the planet and its people during this time of draft. there are eight periods in total, each achieving greater and greater competitive powers and abilities, until in the final inning of this octave, all individualized instances of the one infinite scorer come together in a grand final competition that is held at the end of the universe.

wait....this wasn't real right?
someone just added that to be funny?

[starborne]

rah and the law of won = comedic genious! i love it!

also, the conversation between tech support and the new "love 3.0" user is priceless!!! :d bwaaahaahaha!!!!

i'm curious what happens when this individual tries to install wisdom 5.0 on their love 4.0 system.

honestly, i'm not sure which one of these i liked better!

[noppy]

this thread is super awesome !!! :d:d:d

[melindamithka]

not sure i would call it ascension humor but cracks me up every time :d:d