Ascension Humor

[wintersun]

me and my friends always make a toast "to sex, and enlightenment" :d

[StarGirl]

ok... here's one:

two spritual seekers are enjoying each other's company and conversation over cups of tea.

one seeker says to the other, "you know, we are all one.... however, i have just a little bit more oneness then you."


the ego is always good for a laugh.

hugs

[Mikazo]

i had this thought once that in response to the "passion of the christ," they should have made a movie starring marlon brando as god, and al pacino as jesus, and they could have called it "god the father."

[3D Sunset]

(author's note. please do not view the following as anything more or less than a humorous thought that occurred to me a few days ago. i post it in the spirit of fun and entertainment. please send me a private note if you would like to see more "sessions". if you take offense, please use your discernment to ignore that which does not resonate with you.)

prelude: my name is dan. a few years ago, as my girlfriend clara, my roommate tim, and i were watching a tennis match, when clara, spontaneously fell into a trance and began channeling an entity from a higher density that identified himself as rah. we began asking rah questions (during the game’s many commercial breaks), and learned that through tennis (and many other sports except soccer, and to a much lesser extent golf… at least until tiger woods came on the scene), we are all learning the law of won and helping the one infinite scorer experience competition. subsequent to this initial encounter, clara began channeling rah whenever our tight, harmonious group gathered to watch sports. i will attempt to share with you the results of these sessions (most of which, unfortunately, were written down by tim on the back of cocktail napkins at various sports bars across the greater cincinnati area.) due to the darkness of these environments, and the beer regularly spilled on them, vast portions of some sessions are indecipherable, thus underscoring the mystery of the universe.

session 1, january 15, 2006

rah: i am rah. we welcome you in the love and light of the one infinite scorer. we participate with you now.

dan: ah, what sweetheart?

rah: i am rah. we welcome you in the love and light of the one infinite scorer. we participate with you now.

dan: ah, do you need another beer, hun?

rah: i am rah. we do not care to partake of your fermented wheat effluent at this time, but may be persuaded to consume one of the flying apparatus from the animal you call by the sound vibratory complex “chicken”.

dan: you want a chicken wing? okay clara, here. woa! did you see that serve! venus just aced serena! wow, what a shot!

rah: i am rah. indeed, we are from venus too! we are here to spread the law of won, which is the basis of all existence in the universe. we wish to share with you this law and the love of the infinite scorer.

dan: the score? ah, it’s love, 30. now, we’re on commercial. what were you saying, clara?

rah: i am rah. yes, love is the greatest force in the universe. ouch! the multifunction aperture on the face of this instrument, which you refer to by the sound vibratory complex, “mouth” is being somewhat over sensitized by the red oil-like substance from the fowl appendage that it is consuming.

dan: what?

rah. i am rah. my (the napkin is garbled on this word, but it appears to end in “ing”) mouths on fire.

dan: oh, sorry! here, have some of my beer. what’s all this c*** about rah?

rah: i am rah. thank you for the malted liquid refreshment. we have come to share with you the law of won. we have watched your peoples and their games for many eons, we have shared your joys of victory and agonies of defeat. we are pleased that we have finally found a group of sufficient… spirit, shall we say, to allow us to come and communicate with you directly.

dan: clara, are you feeling alright? i think that beer has gone to your head.

rah: i am rah. the one you know as clara has been temporarily placed into a safe location so that we, rah, may avail ourselves of the opportunity to communicate directly with your third density mind/body/spirit complexes and share the law of won. we now use her body as the instrument through which we may communicate this law. when we conclude the discussion, she will be returned, unharmed.

dan: ah, okay. so if you’re from another dimension, then can you tell me who will win superbowl xl in a couple of weeks?

rah: i am rah. we do not concern ourselves with transitory information. who will win or lose any given game on any given sunday is not important in the grand scheme of the one infinite scorer. we are concerned by matters of the spirit. still, what you ask seems harmless. the winner will be the those you refer to by the sound vibratory complex “patriots”.

dan: really? hey, tim are you getting this down?

(the scribe nods while writing energetically)

rah: i am rah. do you have any final questions at this time?

dan: can you give us the point spread?

rah: i am rah. as i read the possibility/probability vortices for this event, it would appear likely that the patriots will win by in excess of what you would call a touchdown and a field goal.

dan: um. can we talk again. i mean what do we need to do to make sure that we can continue this contact over a long period of time?

rah: i am rah. the instrument is strong and contains a great amount of team spirit. in order to maximize the contact, it would be advised that regular, what you call by the sound vibratory complex, “tailgate parties” would be recommended in order that the proper unity of purpose is achieved by the group prior to beginning a session. we leave you now to bask in the joy of victory of the one infinite scorer.

[kstar]

a bit of monty python humor....

http://dingo.care2.com/cards/flash/5409/galaxy.swf

[dazcox]

a bit of monty python humor....

http://dingo.care2.com/cards/flash/5409/galaxy.swf

that just might be my favorite thing on the internet!!! yea!!

[wintersun]

i just laughed my head off reading this rah and the law of won :d hhaahahahahaha :d

[transiten]

hi 3d sunset

well that was a liberatin breaking of taboos:d. hu-rah! once again.

liliane the transit

[3D Sunset]

(back by popular demand. again, we ask you use your discernment as to what resonates with you, and to disregard that which does not.)

session 2, february 6, 2006

rah: i am rah. we greet you in the spirit and uniform of the one infinite scorer. we participate with you now.

questioner: i see you were able to connect to the instrument. did we properly prepare ourselves and the instrument with the tailgate party?

rah: i am rah. your preparations were sincere, if a little misguided. what is most important is that this group be focused and united in the spirit of the team of the one infinite scorer. it was not required to dance in various states of disrobement. in the future, i recommend that you be more conscientious of the instrument’s frail nature and all of you remain clothed, especially in, what you call the frozen weather.

questioner: thank you for the feedback. we will be more careful next time. by the way, thank you for the tip on the super bowl yesterday. that was great.

rah: i am rah. we scan your minds and recent actions and note that you and the scribe placed a rather significant what you refer to by the sound vibratory complex “wager” on the game. we fear that this action may have violated the first distortion of the law of won, that being the law of confusion.

questioner: can you tell us about this law of confusion?

rah: i am rah. we can.

(approximately two beers of silence follows)

questioner: ah, um, rah? are you thirsty buddy?

rah: i am rah. the instrument’s mouth is somewhat, as you would say, parched, but we wish nothing for ourselves. we will attempt to satisfy the instrument’s need however, but find it difficult to move the manual appendages. it would be most beneficial if you could raise the cooled, shaped, molten sand container to the instrument’s multifunction aperture that you call by the sound vibratory complex, “mouth”.

questioner: here you go. so, um, why aren’t you telling us about the law of confusion?

rah: i am rah. you didn’t ask us too. you simply asked if we could. indeed, we can.

questioner: okay, so will you tell us about the law of confusion?

rah: i am rah. we will, but first there is intervening material that needs to be covered. we ask that you inquire as the basis of the law of won.

questioner: consider it asked.

rah: i am rah. thank you, the law of won states that in reality that is no competition, no matter which side is victorious, all have won. you see, before time began, the one infinite scorer, played only with himself. ah, the instrument has misspoken, we didn’t mean that the way it sounded. what those of rah meant to say was that the infinite scorer had no one to score with. we, ah, we, ah, ummmm. the instrument seems to be having difficulty maintaining the trance. please pour some more fermented malt beverage into the mouth.

(questioner and scribe comply)

rah: i am rah. thank you. that is better now. okay, so where were we. yes, the law of confusion. the infinite scorer wanted to experience competition. in order to do that, he needed to allow an individualized portion of himself to forget who it was, thus creating the opportunity for the perception of competition. in order to do that, he tapped into competitive hyperactivity and focused it through physical activity, or love, to produce competitive energy, also known as skill. this perception of separation is the first distortion of the law of won, known as the law of confusion, or free competition.

questioner: so why do you think we may have violated the law of confusion?

rah. i am rah. by using information of future events in order to achieve financial gain, you have violated the law of free competition, for given that you had that knowledge, the competition, in this case between your self and those other selves that wagered against you, was not free. the competition was infringed upon.

questioner: yes, but by placing the wager and winning, were we not glorifying the one infinite scorer, and allowing him to better experience competition and the agony of defeat? do we not all win, when some of us have won?

rah: i am rah. nobody likes a smart-aleck. we will let it pass this time, especially since you used the proceeds from the wager to organize the tailgate party. in the future, however, we ask that you carefully monitor the alignments between your actions and the law of won. the instrument has sufficient energy for one last query at this time.

questioner: can you give us any information on the upcoming final four?

rah: i am rah. although this information is unimportant, we scan your minds and see that you intend to take the information we provide and use it in the upcoming competition. we are communicating through a very narrow band. were we not clear that further violation of the law of free competition could result in the loss of these communications?

questioner: i’m sorry, rah. yes, of course we understand. please let us buy you another beer, to show our sincere regret for behaving so badly.

rah: i am rah. your apology is accepted, there are no mistakes, so there is no need for regret. yes, we will take another beer, though, as the instrument’s mouth is again dry.

(the next couple of dozen napkins are garbled and unreadable.)

questioner: well rah, i think we need to be going now. thanks for your time and thanks for buying the last four rounds, by winning that card trick. you’ve got to show us how you do it sometime. we’ll try to have another session in a few weeks.

rah: i am rah. oh, the card trick, it’s nothing really. just something we picked up at, ah… never mind. we leave you now to bask in the joy of victory of the one infinite scorer.

[meganarline]

i love rah and the law of won!!! that's great. thanks.