The 4 greatest lessons that I have learned thus far...

[FooSnik]

4) anger begets anger, so in order to release that anger, you need to laugh it out.......cry if or when you can, but if you are or where as numb as i was, you will not even be capable of crying until you get a lot of that anger out...even laughing again was hard for me, but i knew intuitivly it had to be done.

that is a very brief summary of my story......lol,
reply with quote

so it can be done. but i will not allow this to be done alone.

it is going to take us all, in cooperation.

thank you so much.

[mellisamouse]

well, i am rooting for ya for sure! you can do it!

[FooSnik]

i just want you all to know that i really appreciate you allowing me to say what was in my heart.

i didn't mean to scare anyone, my intention is healing.

i will try to be calm and quiet now for a bit.

[FooSnik]

that is what i am trying to say, i am/was that person....being on the internet i don't want to go into any great detail, but a summary of my life would be....

born fully aware, happy to be on planet earth, then being lied to by nearly every person that talked to me....(already feeling alienatedbrcause of it) then at 2 parents divorce, mother complete alcoholic, went through every worst nightmare a child could go through, mother in mental ward at 4, me every where bounced around to have even worse attrocities against me...adopted mother back out of mental ward at 5, we move away from everyone i know and love, to a strnge place where she can drink herself into a stupor and neglect me without any eyes to see her doing it, blah, blah, blah.......(i have totally forgiven all this stuff so it now seems like no big deal to me anyways)......

the i start school, happy again, from around 6 years until 12 years old, i basically raised myself watching the brady bunch etc.....i was fine on my own (mother mostly absent, money went to booze instead of food or babysitters) i didn't care and wasn't mad, because the kids at school noticed i had nothing and would allways give me what they didn't like out of their lunches....instead of being mad or sad, i felt soooo privallaged eveyone else took care of me, so who cares if i had no family......(good attitude for a kid i'd say, still trying to get that attitude back completely)

then at 12 adopted mother marries town drunk, most bitter, mean, angry person i have met to this day.....long story short, i became suicidal, and i'm the only one who even knows.

17, moved out, start searching through all religions only to become more and more dissapointed.....21 meet jw boy, think i've found the "truth" and get married to him.....he dosen't even consumate the marriage, and becomes more verbally and phisically abusive than drunken step dad.....i leave him, and the 500 people i met and thought were my new family i was searching for, completely snub me, drop me and ignore me, even though he cheated on me and abused me...it took a while to get over that rejection...wow.

5 years ago...i met an even worse abuser, and he found out i was leaving, so had his way against my will and i became pregnant....it is like having a phyco stalker in your life, who now has a licence to be there, as we have a child.....at about this point, it finally all took me over, and i became a horribly bitter person, even wishing death upon my abuser, which is the worst thought i have had...(except 3 1/2 years ago, i thought it and said it about my step father, as i never wanted such a hateful person to have the privillage of looking into my babies eyes....20 minutes later my cousin came over and told me he died at bsically the exact time i said i wished he was dead....believe me it took me a long time [bout a year and a half] to forgive myself for that, thinking my words caused his death 500 miles away)

i think you get the picture by now......long story short.....i had a beautiful child now, i did not feel like i should have the privallage of being around him unless i could get the bitterness out of me.....like i said in my other post, laughter is the best medicine......i realized i was soooo imperfect too, it really helped me to forgive others, and once i had a few years to taste being bitter myself, i actually realized that i felt sorry for angry nd bitter people, because there is no way anyone could actually want to feel like that.....trust me,....the formula for me was....

1) forgive others...
2) forgive yourself.....
3) stop judging anyone...
4) anger begets anger, so in order to release that anger, you need to laugh it out.......cry if or when you can, but if you are or where as numb as i was, you will not even be capable of crying until you get a lot of that anger out...even laughing again was hard for me, but i knew intuitivly it had to be done.

that is a very brief summary of my story......lol,

oh my god, yes. this is the exact same thing i went through. i am blown away by your story.

20 minutes later my cousin came over and told me he died at bsically the exact time i said i wished he was dead....believe me it took me a long time [bout a year and a half] to forgive myself for that, thinking my words caused his death 500 miles away)

yes, these are the choices that have been made. i hear you and have felt this same sort of pain. it is so hard.

let me say right now, that if you made it, you are so one of my heroes.

wow, the very last part of what you said. "if you are as numb as i am?" yes! that really put the finger right on it. it is the numbness that is leaving me now and now i am beginning to face it all head on, so that i can move on. i will not go out like my fathers so i am now faced with the question of what is the next step?

i am not sure what to do now.

thank you so much for your post.

[Kris]

hey foo

i truly believe that writing down one’s feelings, as you have done, is a very good way to release anger. i hope it is helping you.

i’m sure there are tons of people out there with just as much anger built up inside them, however you are on the road to healing my friend, simply because you are trying to heal yourself. many others just let their anger manifest and grow and it comes out in all sorts of awful ways.

i have had to deal with a personal issue of mine where i felt i could not forgive myself for something horrible that i had done. i thought about what i had done every single day. it took a long time for me to learn how to forgive myself. it was a lot of work.

my point is that it takes time. you are working on it. that’s half the battle. keep it up.

have you thought about asking your higher self for guidance and support in how to release your anger? it works for me.

[meganarline]

foo and melissa,

i just wanted to say thanks for sharing your stories. we all have so much more in common than we know. both of you truly are an inspiration to me.

instead of just ignoring our anger and sadness it is important to feel it, embrace it and release it, as you both have done.

1) forgive others...
2) forgive yourself.....
3) stop judging anyone...

those are three of the most important lessons in life imho.

thanks again and tons of love to you both, (and anyone else that reads this! )

megan

[mellisamouse]

oh my god, yes. this is the exact same thing i went through. i am blown away by your story.

i am not sure what to do now.

you are already doing it.

and yes, i am no longer numb! i cry (happy cry) at puppy chow commercials again, giggle when i am by myself even, and have pretty much an awesome outlook on life.....

i think there is some sort of saying about those who have suffered much, will also rejoice much?

i am definatly past the 33 years of suffering, and finally into 2 years of rejoicing now.

some practicle help to speed things up too:

-our emotions can be stored in toxins in our bodies, one of the best short cuts back to happiness can be a good detox....

-apparenly we all have parasites of one kind or another, so i started with:
- a parasite cleanse
- a colon cleanse
-liver and kidney flush
-castor oil packs

wow does that ever give you your vital energy back!:d

on www.curezone.com if you type in edgar cayce, there is a bunch of the steps i took, through his advice.....ironiclly, once i finished all my cleansing (i will still upkeep now and then) i found this site, which is totally linked.....pretty cool sync.

[FooSnik]

hey foo

i truly believe that writing down one’s feelings, as you have done, is a very good way to release anger. i hope it is helping you.

i’m sure there are tons of people out there with just as much anger built up inside them, however you are on the road to healing my friend, simply because you are trying to heal yourself. many others just let their anger manifest and grow and it comes out in all sorts of awful ways.

i have had to deal with a personal issue of mine where i felt i could not forgive myself for something horrible that i had done. i thought about what i had done every single day. it took a long time for me to learn how to forgive myself. it was a lot of work.

my point is that it takes time. you are working on it. that’s half the battle. keep it up.

have you thought about asking your higher self for guidance and support in how to release your anger? it works for me.

i am not only trying to talk with my higher self. i am trying to combine with him.

but my higher self is about love and this world is about war.

so with clashing fists, i am screaming with the best of my ability:

i will not allow anymore pain to be brought to you, me, and especially the children coming into this world !!!!

[FooSnik]

that is what i am trying to say, i am/was that person....being on the internet i don't want to go into any great detail, but a summary of my life would be....

born fully aware, happy to be on planet earth, then being lied to by nearly every person that talked to me....(already feeling alienatedbrcause of it) then at 2 parents divorce, mother complete alcoholic, went through every worst nightmare a child could go through, mother in mental ward at 4, me every where bounced around to have even worse attrocities against me...adopted mother back out of mental ward at 5, we move away from everyone i know and love, to a strnge place where she can drink herself into a stupor and neglect me without any eyes to see her doing it, blah, blah, blah.......(i have totally forgiven all this stuff so it now seems like no big deal to me anyways)......

the i start school, happy again, from around 6 years until 12 years old, i basically raised myself watching the brady bunch etc.....i was fine on my own (mother mostly absent, money went to booze instead of food or babysitters) i didn't care and wasn't mad, because the kids at school noticed i had nothing and would allways give me what they didn't like out of their lunches....instead of being mad or sad, i felt soooo privallaged eveyone else took care of me, so who cares if i had no family......(good attitude for a kid i'd say, still trying to get that attitude back completely)

then at 12 adopted mother marries town drunk, most bitter, mean, angry person i have met to this day.....long story short, i became suicidal, and i'm the only one who even knows.

17, moved out, start searching through all religions only to become more and more dissapointed.....21 meet jw boy, think i've found the "truth" and get married to him.....he dosen't even consumate the marriage, and becomes more verbally and phisically abusive than drunken step dad.....i leave him, and the 500 people i met and thought were my new family i was searching for, completely snub me, drop me and ignore me, even though he cheated on me and abused me...it took a while to get over that rejection...wow.

5 years ago...i met an even worse abuser, and he found out i was leaving, so had his way against my will and i became pregnant....it is like having a phyco stalker in your life, who now has a licence to be there, as we have a child.....at about this point, it finally all took me over, and i became a horribly bitter person, even wishing death upon my abuser, which is the worst thought i have had...(except 3 1/2 years ago, i thought it and said it about my step father, as i never wanted such a hateful person to have the privillage of looking into my babies eyes....20 minutes later my cousin came over and told me he died at bsically the exact time i said i wished he was dead....believe me it took me a long time [bout a year and a half] to forgive myself for that, thinking my words caused his death 500 miles away)

i think you get the picture by now......long story short.....i had a beautiful child now, i did not feel like i should have the privallage of being around him unless i could get the bitterness out of me.....like i said in my other post, laughter is the best medicine......i realized i was soooo imperfect too, it really helped me to forgive others, and once i had a few years to taste being bitter myself, i actually realized that i felt sorry for angry nd bitter people, because there is no way anyone could actually want to feel like that.....trust me,....the formula for me was....

1) forgive others...
2) forgive yourself.....
3) stop judging anyone...
4) anger begets anger, so in order to release that anger, you need to laugh it out.......cry if or when you can, but if you are or where as numb as i was, you will not even be capable of crying until you get a lot of that anger out...even laughing again was hard for me, but i knew intuitivly it had to be done.

that is a very brief summary of my story......lol,

jesus, these are the things that have to end.

and it cannot, and will not be jesus who saves us. or whoever your christ type savior person is. and i don't mean just you. i mean all of us in general, myself included. all of this hero worship. buddha, the hopi indians, gandhi. i don't care. they are all great teachers. they showed us who we are so it is time to be that for ourselves.

we must grab and take the power into our own bodies and be our own savior.

the point is that now we, each and every one of us are the new christ conscious beings. so we must combine hands and do this thing for ourselves.

with love,
foo

[Debbie]

foosnik, i was raised by extremely abusive adopted parents and carried my anger around with me for many years. the way i got over it was by praying every day that i be able to forgive my adopted parents for the way they treated me. little by little the anger just disipated, and now i don't seem to have any left within me. so my prayers were answered. prayer is a very powerful tool for self-healing, and also for many other things. at least that is what i have found. it doesn't matter who or what you pray to, as long as you believe in it's power to help you. that is truly what matters.