Incubating Social Memory Complex?

[Dave M.]

dear group,

long (7 pg) read, but well worth the effort. sounds like diverse groups are
coming together in common purpose, and perhaps a social memory complex is
beginning to incubate. -dave


http://www.wie.org/j25/collective.asp

come together
can we discover a depth of wisdom far beyond what is available to individuals
alone?
by craig hamilton

the shift in the group is now becoming palpable, and several people comment on
it. there is an electricity in the air and a sense of space that seems to
envelop everyone. more members join in, and as each individual speaks, it seems
to pull the group deeper into a unity, not only of interest but of vision.
several people try to speak at once, only to burst into laughter upon
discovering that they all spontaneously had the same idea. a creativity seems to
swirl in the room, carrying everyone with it, and a mysterious recognition
begins to dawn in the group that they are no longer operating as separate
individuals but are actually thinking together. hours pass, but nobody wants to
stop. eventually, the meeting comes to a natural close, and everyone sits
together in silence for a few minutes. nobody knows what has happened. but they
all know it was important.

[non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[David Wilcock]

from: asc2k@yahoogroups.com (/group/asc2k/post?postid=3alnihhmmf7ldprypcmh591faqo3etycwiko5u wjf-dfxii7q4rstwrplwojfonylqdrxcls-utvqbwr) [mailto:asc2k@yahoogroups.com (/group/asc2k/post?postid=3alnihhmmf7ldprypcmh591faqo3etycwiko5u wjf-dfxii7q4rstwrplwojfonylqdrxcls-utvqbwr)] on behalf of dave
m.

dear group,

long (7 pg) read, but well worth the effort. sounds like diverse groups are
coming together in common purpose, and perhaps a social memory complex is
beginning to incubate. -dave

dw: remember... the law of one series said that the orion crusaders (i.e.
negative entities) try to conquer a planet before it can reach "social
memory." yet, there are not enough negative people on earth for them to be
able to pull it off, due to the extreme fastidiousness with which the
guardians preserve the law of free will.

so what was your first clue that i've been re-reading the entire law of one
series these past few days?

peace be with you -

- david

[Greg Peterson]

i too have begun to read the law of one series. i have studied and read it in
chunks covering a good bit of the material but never from start to finish cover
to cover. i recieved the books as a gift over this past holiday. im looking
forward to the new insights i will gain. with all the distractions and drama
each of us experiences, it's easy to get caught up in it all and loose sight of
your base. time to re-ground myself!

~greg peterson

david wilcock <djw333@... (/group/asc2k/post?postid=xgpiwg_cb_rvokz8bhachxurkx4y-zrew7fg4ioscnacm3tvor8gjsytfkm9gnshj7txy-uxgvanjor5gu8)> wrote:
from: asc2k@yahoogroups.com (/group/asc2k/post?postid=kxp75dzaovtbrps3uba-ic28rchuhl731amqptriy1u4a5dynsgclfbt7105nzuw3td6tz slcfjrchq) [mailto:asc2k@yahoogroups.com (/group/asc2k/post?postid=kxp75dzaovtbrps3uba-ic28rchuhl731amqptriy1u4a5dynsgclfbt7105nzuw3td6tz slcfjrchq)] on behalf of dave
m.

dear group,

long (7 pg) read, but well worth the effort. sounds like diverse groups are
coming together in common purpose, and perhaps a social memory complex is
beginning to incubate. -dave

dw: remember... the law of one series said that the orion crusaders (i.e.
negative entities) try to conquer a planet before it can reach "social
memory." yet, there are not enough negative people on earth for them to be
able to pull it off, due to the extreme fastidiousness with which the
guardians preserve the law of free will.

so what was your first clue that i've been re-reading the entire law of one
series these past few days?

peace be with you -

- david





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---------------------------------
yahoo! photos
ring in the new year with photo calendars. add photos, events, holidays,
whatever.

[non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[Petrus]

> http://www.wie.org/j25/collective.asp

in a way, this article grieves me quite deeply. not because it isn't
absolutely wonderful what it describes...it is. i however an currently in a
relationship which i've been allowing to block me from experiences such as
the one the introduction to this article describes.

my girlfriend talks about spending more time this year being devoted to
"work"; i.e., potentially moneymaking activity, and the number of external
people she wants to have contact with continues to decrease. i've been
trying to resist this somewhat, but i find it causes a lot of conflict in
the relationship when i do.

the thing that i don't understand is...i'll start off at times feeling as
though i really want to leave the relationship, but as i talk about it,
somehow the desire to loses steam and i end up simply apologising to her for
what i've said...i'm conflicted in the sense that although we've been
together for three years now, i still am not entirely convinced that we're
meant to be together...certainly not on the kind of long term basis that she
wants, anyway.

the other reason why it's really difficult is because when we got together,
she had her own place...then i got a place, and she moved in with me...so if
we did break up, she wouldn't have anywhere else to go...i think that is
part of what stops me from really ending it.

i'm going to need to do something soon though anyway...there is so much i
want to experience...things like what this article talks about...which i
can't in my current scenario. it feels like i'm being left behind,
developmentally.

[David Wilcock]

from: asc2k@yahoogroups.com (/group/asc2k/post?postid=t5lwgstsnh9rwpennagx3pglglq8j1gpotlnkz 7sa0srcqqd-e3vpey-e6501svwskccvy3uwflatgpo) [mailto:asc2k@yahoogroups.com (/group/asc2k/post?postid=t5lwgstsnh9rwpennagx3pglglq8j1gpotlnkz 7sa0srcqqd-e3vpey-e6501svwskccvy3uwflatgpo)] on behalf of
petrus

> http://www.wie.org/j25/collective.asp

in a way, this article grieves me quite deeply. not because it isn't
absolutely wonderful what it describes...it is. i however an currently in a
relationship which i've been allowing to block me from experiences such as
the one the introduction to this article describes.

dw: it is true that relationships can drag you down... but they are not
without their purpose. be wary of using the relationship as a scapegoat to
blame all your feelings of alienation on. wanderers like ourselves long to
return to a womb-like utopia that is really more of a fantasy than a
reality. every spiritual community or partnership i have been involved with
has had crushing interpersonal difficulty - and with each additional person
involved in that group, the potential personality conflicts raise
accordingly.

there is a reason why we call it 'ascension' - it is only just beginning to
be created on earth now. when you have a young and optimistic mindset you
can get stars in your eyes and think that moving in to some kind of
monastery or community, or joining some kind of focus group, is going to be
this great, marvelous thing. yet people are people, and in time it crumbles
- a spiritual partnership lasts as long as it is useful for all involved.
people get drawn into spirituality because they are broken and seek healing
- and no two people can agree on all the fine points. i have never seen it
turn out any other way - and i have lived with many different people ever
since i started going to college in 1991.

by the way, i should point out that i just re-read something in the law of
one saying that each piece of your history that you can explore, with love,
in the present moment acts as an exponential increase in the efficacy with
which you can seek the law of one. so, since some of you are interested in
my process, let's take a walk... and hope i don't get myself in too much
trouble. this may get a bit long... but i will track around this question
the whole time, and try to keep things concise.

*begin ruthless self-disclosure warning*

parents divorced between fifth and sixth grade. up until hs graduation it
was just my mother most of the time, occasionally with her
chemically-dependent but peaceful and lovable boyfriend pete, and friday and
sunday trips to my father's where sometimes we would see his present
girlfriend as well, as well as martial arts classes on tuesday and thursday
at the studio, which we did for five years, until the day i graduated hs.

yes, martial arts... this is new... i've not shared this ever before.
martial arts classes started after i almost got my @$$ kicked in jrh and
said "never again." i was overweight and nerdy and i was very fortunate to
have avoided being severely beaten and saturated in the showers. so i took
action, and i went with the school that was the most focused on real
self-defense in practical everyday situations - not tournaments and
sport-fighting. i found "the one" on the first try by instinct, and this guy
blew me away on the phone. he was a real warrior, as well as a highly
ethical being. of that i had no doubt. he openly told people of his colored
past, of being in prison and experiencing rape, and completely turning his
life around upon getting out.

we did not spar at the studio - it was a combination of pangainoon
tiger-crane-dragon kung-fu and the instructor's own blend of other styles
and years of prior experience in real-world street-fighting situations. he
had very high ranks in karate and kung-fu martial arts styles, and had
competed in and won first place in a variety of prestigious tournaments in
the 70s and early 80s. unfortunately (as far as my ability to continue where
i left off somewhere else), we only learned techniques designed to remove
the attacker's ability to continue fighting ("devastate" the opponent) in
three seconds or less - many of which could be lethal. we were forbidden to
speak of our training or teach any of it to anyone else under any
circumstances. i guess i just blew that.

i cannot "spar" with karate students if they ask me to. i am trained to get
the job done and only to use it if lethal force has already been attempted
towards me in a legally-provable manner. i have never had to use it, but i
also can walk anywhere at any time and not feel fear. i also went through
extreme "bone conditioning" exercises and my shins are so wide and thick now
that i can slam into a coffee table and hardly even feel anything. the skin
bleeds and bruises but i don't feel anything in the bone except pressure. i
did take a karate class for a semester in college and had to "spar," and in
blocking a kick from the highest-ranking woman in the class, we had a
shin-to-shin contact. she dropped to the ground screaming and writhing in
agony, holding her shin with both hands, and i felt nothing at all, except
serious sorrow for having hurt her.

we were told never to tell anyone that we learned this and until today i
have never made it public - but my heart is opening and it's time to let go
of the secrecy, as any discussion of who i am and how i got to be where i am
is incomplete without this data included. i was trained to go into a state
of consciousness they called "spirit" that made me able to continue fighting
regardless of the level of injury... even if i was shot, stabbed, had a limb
severed or my guts torn open. as long as the body could physically continue
fighting, it would go on. i did not like going into "spirit" that much - it
was extremely physically exhausting - but for the last three years of the
training i had to do it twice a week, every week.

i was the only one of the three of us, dad, mike and me, who went into
spirit and could take all three "perfectly focused" punches into the solar
plexus with no pain, no fear and no sign of it doing anything to me. (we
were trained to lock down the ribcage and stomach muscles to protect the
vital organs, while still being able to execute all the needed movements.) i
just felt an impulse move through me. mike cried (2 years younger than i
was) and dad broke his stance after the first shot. i remember being
frustrated that my own advancement could not proceed because dad in
particular seemed to not be disciplined enough.

at one point something really profound happened to me while i was doing
"form with spirit." this is a form of kung-fu kata called "three conflicts"
that you do while in the "spirit" state, which is absolutely terrifying to
witness - your effectiveness is judged by how much it causes the instructor
to involuntarily tense up his solar plexus. in its purest form you are
exceptionally perfect, fast, powerful and precise in the movements while
maintaining that state of consciousness at the same time - red face,
yelling, very scary facial expression, et cetera. i do not practice this
anymore and have only done it 2-3 times since i left the school. he called
it "the instinct of self-preservation." (a part of me cries as i write this
in detail for the first time, because of how i know it must sound, but if
you have to preserve your life, and it is wise to do so, you need it.)

i think this is ok to share... we were taught how "spirit" gives you several
things: tunnel vision, where you only see right in front of you and the
sides black out, "butterflies" and some nausea in the stomach, "kool-aid
through your veins," i.e. a sense of your whole body being electrically on
fire, a severe reduction in the rate of the passage of time, allowing you to
move very quickly and effectively and out-maneuver the opponent, (to this
day i can't stand watching hollywood fight scenes, like in "matrix," for how
ungodly slow they are,) amplified sense of hearing and the three-dimensional
positions of your environment even though you can't see them due to tunnel
vision, and complete freedom from any stray thoughts. "spirit" was the main
thing he wished to teach us out of the entire training, and after five years
i could go into spirit in less than three seconds - but i did know it was
coming and would psych myself up for it.

so here's the crux of it. one day i was doing "form with spirit" and
spontaneously and without warning, the entire room dissolved. every movement
of the form, as i did it, was taking place on a battlefield. i was killing
people, blood gushing, eyes gouging, you name it. it lasted through the
whole form, and i could not make it stop. every battlefield event
synchronized perfectly with the movements i had to perform. i could still
see the room, on one level, but it was "background" and the huge, bloody
battlefield was "foreground."

this was unlike any experience i had ever been through in my entire life,
and i was breathless when i finally closed the form. i told my instructor
what happened, and felt for sure that i had just broken through into some
higher state of consciousness that "spirit" was supposed to get you to -
some kind of connection with the living ancestral force that created the
"form" in the first place, or perhaps some kind of past life, if there even
was such a thing. the vision was extremely detailed. by this point i think i
had already had the "rewind" experience into the sumerian past-life when i
did the hyperventilation / choking technique, but i still wasn't sure if
that was real or not, even though it seemed real.

the instructor allowed me to complete my entire essay on exactly what i saw,
in the most minute detail, and i must have rambled on for five minutes. when
i finally felt i had said enough, i paused, waiting for at least some kind
of statement, if nothing else than to simply help me understand what had
happened. i thought for sure that this had happened to other students once
they hit a certain point and he would have some wise words for me.

he then very carefully and slowly stated, "i am going to recommend that you
seek out some form of professional psychological counseling." and then he
stopped talking. the silence was deafening. it was a very awkward moment. my
father and brother and i did not even talk about it afterwards, except in a
brief sarcastic way in the car, and the instructor never made such a
"suggestion" again. he did, however, teach me that "sugar is poison" and the
discipline i learned there, along with his advice, has a lot to do with why
i lost 85 pounds between the ages of 15 and 16 in less than a year, and kept
it off.

that chastisement for a vividly real event created a major wound in me, and
is yet another example of how you can be in a "spiritual community," and in
many ways it could seem that you are right where you need to be, but things
will still happen that are shocking and degrading. you may know that you are
in the right, but others make up their own minds, even with all their
experience and wisdom, and do not find in your favor. i now know that i was
very likely reliving an actual past-life memory at that moment, but he
probably wasn't used to having people with my level of psi ability as
students, so he had not seen this before.

ok, so that was our biggest sub-tangent we will go through in this summary,
to round out the context.

so tuesday and thursday was martial arts, friday was our father-son
sleepover night, and sunday was our "meet dad's girlfriend" day. my weekends
were completely shot, all through hs, as a result of this. we often would do
some kind of rock/blues/folk concert on fridays and go backstage, so i guess
i should not complain... but i saw a lot more shows than i really wanted to
see, with bands i really did not enjoy. so, i had to see dad every other
day, literally, and he almost always yelled at me about being overweight,
smoking pot, laziness, irresponsibility and my lack of efficacy in my
schoolwork.

as far as girlfriends go, he first had joan the drama queen, then nancy the
depressed new age crystal-shop owner, then a brief stint with a really nice
african-american lady i really liked and wished he had stayed with, then
martha two the ice queen with the stinking dog "wink" she kept in the
basement, who happened to live across the street from him (the one he
canceled our promised father-son cape cod vacation for, so he could go for
'two weeks' to martha's vineyard instead of "only" one week with the three
of us as he had promised), and then settled on and married michelle, the
ultimate italian catholic... and they are still together.

they got together when i was still around 15 years old, and she has a huge
family with many different politics - and now all of her kids have kids
except the male, tommy, who is also the oldest. i avoided the whole scene
this year, knocking out christmas season in the period between thanksgiving
and the end of the first week of december. dad just tried to drag me out
there this past week and i refused to go, citing the need to prepare for my
move to la as the main reason. in my teens, once i became active (i.e.
smoked pot), i had quickly established the rule that i did not want to enter
into that environment without being completely stoned before i got there -
and i followed it pretty religiously. as each offense happened to me i could
almost instantly relax back into the fact that i was totally wasted.

i knew that the pot would cut off my ability to store the things i
experienced in long-term memory. it did often work. in general it was much
better to be abused by my father while i was high than if i were sober. my
frustrations about the abuse would usually fall away during the week at
martial arts in the process of doing "form with spirit", even though i was
not angry, but simply following the procedure. dad, on the other hand,
obviously used form with spirit to process his rage, which is not "spirit",
though it might look similar. he could be easily knocked over in a fight
since he was very unstable on his feet and wobbled with fury. we all knew it
even though it was only rarely spoken about. this i feel is what held us
back from receiving the next stage of training, as we had to all be ready
for it. even with my drugged-out apathy i think i was the most dedicated.

then when i got to university, i did have a different roommate almost every
semester. the first two years were in suite-style dorms, which made it even
more intense. freshman year was in dubois hall, in a corner suite so you get
four conjoined rooms instead of three, and almost everyone there was
severely chemically dependent. they were drunk every night except monday and
occasionally sunday, usually with "old english" 40-oz malt liquor bottles
(basically like cheap beer with shots poured in it) in the context of the
"three man" dice-based drinking game.

i did not drink but would hang out with them night after night as they did
the same thing. crazy things happened, including "sprenkey" the drama queen
throwing an empty malt liquor bottle at my face one night - and i did not
engage him but just got out fast. i easily ducked with good time to spare,
but an ordinary person would have been seriously injured, and i can't fight
anyone unless that's the only option left. sprenkey later went on to break
the blue 'rape light' outside the window - he didn't like how the bright
blue light cast a glare across our window - so he smashed it with another
40-oz bottle. nice guy. out of guilt over him having thrown the bottle at
me, i got him to go with me and confess to the crime, since they were
accusing our entire suite... but he only did so by blaming it on his
brother, which was a lie.

i had a different roommate both semesters of my freshman year, but all the
characters in the suite stayed about the same. i was high six times a day,
every day, beginning after my first class. i only found out years later that
our suite was considered the worst, most alcoholic suite on the entire
campus, but for us we thought "everybody" was partying this hard. it turns
out that they were not. fate, or synchronicity, happened to drop me into the
single most insane situation on the entire campus, which was already
considered a "big party school."

i also got the highest-paying student job on campus, working deliveries to
all the academic offices on campus with warehouse 2 receiving. (warehouse 1
was for food service and physical plant only, but sometimes we had to
deliver to them.) this exposed me not only to every single academic
department, but also to the entire blue-collar behind-the-scenes crowd that
actually kept the campus running. i was amazed to discover that these
so-called "men" were actually more adolescent, chemically addicted and
messed up than i was. that was quite a surprise.

then that first summer i went to work at a vinyl swimming-pool factory and
again, that showed me where chemical dependency will get you - i was
surrounded by more rogue ex-con "men" at every turn, who were "vinyl lifers"
and had nowhere else to go. they were all dying of cancer from the vinyl
fumes but denied that the tumors had any correlation, even while lenny and
greg stayed up in the hermetically-sealed office overlooking the "tables".

while on an lsd trip that summer, i experienced a strange vision where the
neighbor across the street from don t's came over, very drunk and reeking.
his family had left him for being an alcoholic a few months prior, and his
daughter had been really attracted to me in our newspaper homeroom, but i
was not interested. don had been inspired by my martial arts training (he
witnessed "form with spirit" for one class we had and was terrified and awed
all at once, saying that i was the most intense of the three) and had bought
his own 80-lb punching bag, which was now hanging on a chain from a tree in
the backyard.

this neighbor guy came over at night, uninvited, began wildly swinging at
the bag, hitting it really hard but very awkwardly, and kept saying, "this
is poetry... this is passion." after this he sat down, extremely proud of
himself, right next to me, and suddenly he morphed into a half-bull,
half-human creature. the shape of his shaved military head, his enormously
obese neck, his posture, his smell, his voice... it was all there. the
vision sustained for several minutes as he spoke, staring off into space. i
knew i was tripping but nonetheless i was seeing something real, on some
level, at the same time. (only years later would i realize that as ra-ta, in
atlantis, i had actually worked with half-human half-animal people and put
them through the "temple of sacrifice" and "temple beautiful" to heal them
into full human form, so says the cayce readings. he may well have been one
of them...)

that very night, with all the strange things that happened, was really what
got me to stop using all drugs. we were in the basement and hanging around a
large mirror on the floor, propped up against a nasty old table. at some
point, jude started seeing multiple faces superimposed over his own face in
the mirror, which he assumed were past lives. this went on for some time and
he was quite dazzled by it, giving notes as it went along. i was
disappointed that i was not also able to see this for myself, and felt
profoundly depressed... even when i was doing this nasty drug i still wasn't
getting the "good stuff". but then, jude started seeing faces superimposed
over my face that really should not have been there. he shook with terror,
unable to breathe, looking at me looking at him, as i was standing behind
him. he saw me through the same mirror that he had just been seeing the
faces in, where i was watching and trying to see them myself. i did not see
anything as this happened.

i wondered if five years of "form with spirit" had opened some doors that
led to a 'residue' of archetypal spirits, like gargoyles, that were intended
to terrify a potential attacker and protect me, even though jude was not
attacking. jude and i had filmed a whole documentary on gargoyles together
while he was a senior in hs, pointing out that these images were all around
us on buildings (in this case in albany, ny) and we never even thought about
it. so this kind of thing was still on our minds - it was a really cool
film, with peter gabriel music from the film "birdy" for a very psychedelic
soundtrack, and a really attractive girl, becky, as the host. (i guess
history does have a way of repeating itself...)

all i knew was that during the time he saw this vision of faces, i had
started by feeling despair that i was not also seeing them, and this turned
into a desire to convey to him how depressed and hopeless i felt inside, how
i had a very painful past from my father's abuse and how i was seeing more
and more that the drugs had become my whole problem, which i had originally
used to create distance from the memories and pain. he then saw these
terrifying forms appear over my face as i sent this information to him.
perhaps this is what always happens, on some level, when we let ourselves go
to that kind of space in our minds. i do believe that, ultimately, but you
don't want to discuss this with mentally unstable people.

since i had just witnessed this half-bull half-man thing happen outside
myself, and already accepted that this alcoholic had gotten himself tuned in
to animal spirits, i realized that i now had some kind of 'attachments' of
my own, which had been brought on by my addiction - and they were way more
complicated than just beasts of the field. i wanted them gone, even if the
"warrior spirit" had brought them to me for my own protection.

prior to this point something else weird had happened. after fleeing from
the alcoholic's insanity to the basement, leaving don's older brother bob to
deal with it, don, jude and myself had all been sitting two feet in front of
the basement mirror, staring intently into it and talking about it. there
were three pellet-gun bullet holes in the mirror because don said it was
"evil" and had acted as a gateway for entities to come through, some of whom
were negative. he felt that shooting at the mirror had closed the portal.
then we all got silent and somber in thought. while we all sat there staring
at it, the mirror suddenly bulged out like a bubble around all the edges.
then it happened a second time, and the mirror ballooned out even larger -
like someone was trying to inflate a membrane from the "other side."

then a third time it went really large, almost spherical, and then wham! the
bubble popped and broke, returning the visual image to just a flat mirror.
as soon as this happened, we all jumped at the same moment, and there was a
"shattering" sensation in the entire basement. all of a sudden the basement
got really cold, and all the lines on all the dark plumbing and walls became
very sharp and defined, almost sparkling. don and i got really scared,
thinking that this might mean that the "portal" had opened again. that was
when i stood up and walked away from the mirror. don left the basement
completely, as he was chicken, and actually preferred going back out where
the alcoholic might still be sitting in the yard.

jude, however, did not move... he just stayed seated right where he was.
that might have been the key - moving around would break the energy circuit
that was created when it popped. all three of us had seen exactly the same
things happen to the mirror and the basement at the exact same moments, and
we all jumped in surprise when it finally "popped." it was only after this
"popping" that jude stayed put in the same spot, and suddenly started seeing
all the faces. for him, his whole reality seemed to shift temporarily,
allowing him to see things that were really neither good nor bad, just
things... like his own previous lives. some of it was fun, some scary, but
it was truth, on some level.

all of this led me to become distinctly aware of the fact that negative
entities really existed and you did not want to call on them in any way...
and drug addiction could be classified as a call. i communicated this to
jude while he was also tripping, after the mirror thing wore off, and we
both figured it out together. this ended up stimulating an entire album that
we did together, called "stories from the love brothers," where we were
determined to take the positive side of these realizations and put them to
music. i'm close to putting some of these songs in the mp3 subscriber
archive, if you are interested.

the upshot of it was that while in the middle of this psychedelic state, i
realized that i was a total addict, totally burning out and barely keeping
my life together. i was terrified by what jude had seen, and that was the
final straw. i realized that marijuana had left me wide open to negative
spiritual influences. somehow doing intoxicants, alcohol (they call it
'spirits', remember,) et cetera would do to your own energy field what we
saw in the mirror - and that was why you felt "high." i also saw that were
it not for the structured routine of a college dormitory life i would be in
serious trouble and unable to take care of myself. i saw clearly how the
addiction becomes "poetry" and "passion" to the person stuck in it, while
not realizing that they are actually keeping themselves in a second-density
animalistic state. we poured all of this into our music.

i quit "using" very soon after returning to school, listening to stories
from the love brothers every day to get me through the withdrawal symptoms,
which were mostly emotional - a feeling of depressed loneliness. i consider
recovery to be absolutely essential to the spiritual path, as otherwise you
never really get in touch with the pain you are medicating out of your
system each week. i only started to really "get it" after i got clean.

so then, sophomore year was in crispell hall. i again switched roommates
after one semester- i had been lying in my bed one morning and felt the
strong, sudden urge to look at my roommate, and found that he was
masturbating under the sheets and staring at me. i had my shirt off in bed.
he could not handle the embarrassment, i don't think, and we acted like
nothing had happened but he got more and more withdrawn afterwards. we had
some partying greek guys living with us who were bringing people in and out
all the time next door. i went through two different really awkward and
painful situations with women who might have become girlfriends.

then, my next-semester roommate was my second-favorite one after artie, and
we got really into talking about the ufo stuff that had all been dropped
into my hands, after my "nasa disclosure" where i found out that ufos had
crashed and we had reverse-engineered a variety of technologies from them. i
had just started doing research into the topic while he was still living
with me, and was working my way up to taking the music a lot more seriously,
practicing drumming in my room to the consternation of the entire study
lounge underneath me.

junior year i burned through two different roommates in the first three
weeks, both of whom were extremely difficult to live with, before settling
on a third, eric m, who i bonded with out of a mutual sense of victimhood
from others. that bond was short-lived, as we were very different people. he
was really into dungeons and dragons, and actually created an entire "game
world" that he would run other people through as "dungeon master."

after my experience with the mirror the year before, i wanted absolutely
nothing to do with anything that even might call upon negative entities in
any way. i felt that creating thought-forms in your mind was lending energy
to make these things become real, on a level that you could only really see
if you were on lsd and in the right frame of mind. i did not want "portals"
opening in my own room, for god's sake, as these kids visualized themselves
fighting demons and we had a nice, big mirror on the door.

at one point i was journaling on my apple iic and second-guessing
everything, thinking that there was "nothing real" about these entities or
portals. it was all just a hallucination from the lsd, nothing really going
on, why should i care what anyone does in my room. at that exact moment, one
of eric m's pictures of an elf-being with two large antennae above its head
just got up and fell off the wall, landing right at my feet, staring up at
me. pop! there went the portal, and everything got very sharp, distinct and
"electrified" all around me - like the feeling of "form with spirit." it
freaked me out and reminded me that this stuff is real, and not to mess
around with it.

i, of course, did not share any of this data in earlier phases of my website
work, feeling it to be too creepy and sensational - but there it is. it was
three more years of deep self-purification work and studying the law of one
before i actually started to channel.

anyway, i made it my assignment to really accept and appreciate eric m's
tortured existence no matter what it took - and over time we worked it out
enough that we stayed roommates the whole year. i made rules about not
having "gay-mers," as i secretly called them, playing in my room,
particularly since there was a whole pack of them and they would be there
right after i got back from wednesday nights at the oasis suicide crisis
hotline, where i would go through exhausting role-plays where i was
constantly getting hit with "worst-case scenario" counseling situations
every week. the role-plays were far worse than any actual calls we got. i
stayed on with oasis through until i graduated, but was never actually
allowed "on the phones" for a variety of reasons, mostly jealousy.

i did not realize that our team leader was gay, and i often made gay jokes
and impersonations with another guy - and it got all the girls laughing
hysterically. hence i was held back from "the phones" because i was not
"ready" to counsel gay people if they called, based on my sarcasm - and they
did not let men counsel women, you could only work 'men's night', which i
figured out was almost entirely gay callers since this was an "art school".
that was a big lesson. there again, i was in a spiritual community which on
some levels was great - packed into one tiny dorm room with beautiful women,
going through amazingly deep process work every week, and a really cool
forest retreat every semester - but i felt ostracized and shunned, not part
of "the group."

also i must say that i did not enjoy the retreats as much as you might
think. it was complete social overload, and i would be so engulfed in other
people's energy that i would end up hiding out in my room. since there were
so few guys, we ended up feeling really oppressed by all the feminist
propaganda saying that "all men rape" and things like this... a lot of
anti-male sentiment was displayed right in front of us. perhaps the funniest
moment was when my ultra-peaceful metaphysical friend matt and i walked with
this other guy out to a secluded area in the forest, and the other guy stood
at a makeshift "podium" and gave a whole, bizarre, old-man-accented, abraham
lincoln-sounding oratory for why he was running for president. beginning
with "four score and seven years ago," there were lots of tie-ins to all the
crazy things we had been hearing, and it was hilarious.

by my senior year i was also involved in the jazz scene. there again you
have a "spiritual" / musical community which you think is going to be great,
but in fact everyone's self-image was wrapped up in their ability to play
their instrument. i was technically equal to any of the other drummers in
terms of the solos, fills and styles i could play, but i realized that seth
in particular (the "best" drummer) just had more listening under his belt,
and would come up with ideas that i didn't have. we were fiercely
competitive in the drumming sense and i was horrified when seth did not
invite me into his five-man drum ensemble for a concert, using other
drummers who were less technically proficient than i was but also were not
guys he saw as competition. this musical elitism happened all the time.
there again you look for the womb and find the sword instead.

i played in a band for a while with this new blonde, fuzzy-headed
white-shirt-wearing kid who called himself david, who believed that "jazz is
about throwing away all the rules and playing whatever you want, and if you
play a note that sounds like $#!+, just resolve it up or down a half-step
and then repeat yourself so it sounds like you did it on purpose." he was
really into smoking pot, and extremely cocky and over-self-confident. my
great guitar friend adam once was talking with him about his new apartment,
and asked him "how's the rent?" and his answer was, "it's rent." he did a
vocal jazz number in one of our shows, "moon dance", and thought he sounded
better than he actually did.

i did not like how drug-oriented he was and let him know my opinion about
why it was a bad idea - including some hints about "portals" that might open
as i had discovered when i was on lsd. at the time i was still a big-time
anti-drug crusader. he went behind my back, replaced me for a heavily
addicted red-haired drummer, and cleared it with "westy," the professor, who
was also a severe alcoholic, all behind my back. only after he had done
this, he broke the news to me by sitting me down on the cement stairs
outside the practice room, and with self-righteous smirking satisfaction,
slowly and deliberately uttered his infamous line, "playing with you, david,
is like f-ing a woman... with a cold, dry __t." unbelievable! talk about
betrayal. i was spiritually evolved enough by this point to not defend
myself and feel some sense of compassion for him, realizing that he was only
hurting himself, but it still hurt really, really badly. i was just
speechless, and he walked away, proud of himself and strutting with delight.


in my senior year i got a different roommate but actually stayed in the same
room. that roommate is here as a member of our forum, his name is artie, and
he's really into the law of one and all this stuff, having "recovered" from
a strong pull towards fundamentalist christianity for a period of time. art
moved off-campus after the first semester and gave me the unprecedented
opportunity of having a "single" in a coed corridor-style dorm, which i am
eternally grateful for. it was only under these circumstances that i could
have a true, live-in sexual relationship with a woman, with all of its
soul-shattering drama and horror and intrigue, while still entombed within
the safe cocoon of guaranteed food, rent and utilities paid, and a huge
social circle of friends.

at first, being with yumi was great - i won an unofficial "contest" with
three other guys, mike, david (a different david) and eric for her
affection. (this was not eric m my junior year ex-roommate. this was the
other eric i ended up moving in with. he had been part of eric m's d&d crew
at first but got tired of it, and we had become friends. he was the most
grounded, sober, sane person i knew on campus.) the "contest" really boiled
down to eric and myself, and i thought for sure that he was going to "win" -
i just never seemed to be successful with the women i actually wanted to be
with, because i was paralyzingly shy.

the girls could throw me huge hints about how i could make a move whenever i
wanted, and i was so paranoid and over-analytical from years of pot-smoking
that i would explain away every move they made as being unrelated to any
physical attraction they might have for me... sort of like a skeptic blaming
all ufo sightings on "swamp gas". i also felt that most people were so
susceptible to negative entity influence, from "portals" created by their
substance abuse, (i.e. i still had basically demonized substance use / abuse
as a path to evil that you could not see with third-density eyes alone) that
celibacy was the only option. however, eric had stereotypes about japanese
women that he felt were true, and i was convinced into thinking that yumi
was "safe." oh boy, was i wrong.

i found out in hindsight that this "distortion" of being withdrawn from
women was necessary so that i got really into doing my metaphysical work
rather than getting all tied up too early in the drama of relationships.
look at how much i accomplished by the time i was 24, and tell me if you
don't see the point here. if i had a sister instead of a brother i doubt it
would have ever worked, as i would have been more confident with women.

more importantly, after enough relationships and heartbreaks, you lose
codependency and become counter-dependent, pushing away intimacy all the
time rather than craving it. then you become "sexy" to codependent types,
because you are the "unreachable, unavailable male," and the dramas only
increase even more. it was better for me not to lose the codependency until
many years after i started doing this research, and could examine the
counter-dependent phase without being consumed by it or going negative.

at this point you can pretty much fill in the rest of the story from reading
my online book "wanderer awakening / edgar cayce returns?", free at
www.divinecosmos.com, and how it traced into doing readings. ever since
then, every time i have tried to get involved in some kind of spiritual
community, there is projection, there is game-playing, there is manipulation
and there is a battle of wills. people are people... so it's best to take
whatever the situation is that you have at hand and make the best of it.

i do not necessarily advocate just dumping a relationship because you want
to be part of a "group". as law of one says, paraphrased, "to live alone is
to live without mirrors." that line, and the whole concept of mirrors in the
law of one, has special significance to me that i have never explained
publicly until just now. if the "mirror" had not shattered, and jude had not
been brave enough to keep looking, then he would never have seen himself -
with all those other lifetimes - and me, with all these icky overlays caused
by what dr. hideo izumoto calls "marijuana demon". and yes, the same is true
for alcohol, which he had quit back in 1991 and never looked back -
coincidentally the year i graduated.

remember, for almost two years i had dr. izumoto over at my house once a
month running shinto acupuncture treatments on people. i was warned in the
strongest possible language not to be asleep when he was doing these
treatments, as he was releasing "weird entities" or "bad spirits" as he
called them from people's energy fields, and if you were dreaming, they
would have enough energy shortly after being kicked out of someone else to
invade your own energy field and actually crash into your dreamspace. i was
dumb enough to be asleep more than once while he was doing "treatments" and
i want to tell you, i came up against some nasty stuff. the martial-arts
training that i learned in waking life has turned into an incredible
psychic-warrior art in the dreamspace, a' la the wizard battle in lord of
the rings, the yoda / dooku battle in star wars episode ii, or the battles
involving neo in the matrix movies. even so, you don't want to have to do
this in an otherwise normal dream.

it is possible that some of us are in training for being "guardians" of the
earth against negative incursions once it flips over to fourth-density. i
might end up being one of them, for all i know. it is good, if you intend to
go in this direction, to have some sort of physical martial arts training to
complement the metaphysical, so as to increase your overall self-discipline.


>my girlfriend talks about spending more time this year being devoted to
"work"; i.e., potentially moneymaking activity, and the number of external
people she wants to have contact with continues to decrease. i've been
trying to resist this somewhat, but i find it causes a lot of conflict in
the relationship when i do.

dw: there is a line in the law of one i just read about why tesla was such a
great soul for humanity - he wanted to give us "free energy." ra explained
that with this gift, people could stop working for money, and only then
could you really "seek the heart of the self" (i believe that's the quote)
and accelerate your progress towards the law of one. the big quote goes
something like, "few there are who work from dawn to dusk and can gain
conscious appreciation of the law of one."

so yes... you're probably feeling the stirrings to simplify your life and
have more time for contemplation. i realize myself how much i need this now.


>the thing that i don't understand is...i'll start off at times feeling as
though i really want to leave the relationship, but as i talk about it,
somehow the desire to loses steam and i end up simply apologising to her for
what i've said...i'm conflicted in the sense that although we've been
together for three years now, i still am not entirely convinced that we're
meant to be together...certainly not on the kind of long term basis that she
wants, anyway.

dw: there is a time when you know that you have had enough. it's like the
initiate in the buddhist temple who is ritually beaten every day by the
master. he keeps meditating, day after day, on the spiritual reason for
being beaten with the stick. he figures that the master knows best, it must
be his karma, he must just love and accept the master as he is, it's all
part of the training. finally one day he gets so fed up with being beaten
that he reaches out, grabs the stick and stops it from happening.

"congratulations," says the master. "now you understand."

>the other reason why it's really difficult is because when we got together,
she had her own place...then i got a place, and she moved in with me...so if
we did break up, she wouldn't have anywhere else to go...i think that is
part of what stops me from really ending it.

dw: there is nothing wrong with allowing people to take responsibility for
themselves. codependent relationships do often have these "inescapable
firewalls" built in. as is well documented, spiritual / religious cults will
have the participants hand over all their money, and keep them from earning
any new money, so they can never break free. the only other option they have
is to go back to their parents, and the cults will teach you that your
parents / old relations are spiritual death and you must never return. in
its own way, relationships can get cultish and have similar "paradoxes" buit
in.

yet, there is no paradox about the fact that adults can take care of
themselves. they can get jobs, find places to live, move on with their lives
and do what works for them. there is a time where it is right to leave a
relationship. if both people are not growing and finding it useful, then
that is the right time.

>i'm going to need to do something soon though anyway...there is so much i
want to experience...things like what this article talks about...which i
can't in my current scenario. it feels like i'm being left behind,
developmentally.

dw: the idea of crashing into a group, and having support, is the quick and
easy way to latch onto the deeper goal, which is to know and accept
yourself.

congratulations if you're still here, 13 pages after we started... :)

peace be with you -

- david

[Petrus]

i'm hearing what you say about making sure i don't blame my girlfriend for
everything...although she often quite adamantly also reminds me not to! ;-)
in terms of being a wanderer, that is also one major area of concern re my
relationship. my girlfriend wants us to eventually get a permanent
residence of our own one day...i find that somewhat emotionally/conceptually
difficult, since i believe that the tendency of wanderers is to...well,
*wander*. ;-)

> yes, martial arts... this is new... i've not shared this ever before.
> martial arts classes started after i almost got my @$$ kicked in jrh and

martial arts is an area where there's a certain amount of baggage attached
for me, or at least there was. i had a fairly advanced ( i'd heard he was a
local state champion) teacher of a vietnamese school of karate wanting to
teach me when i would have been around 15 or so. i blew it off, (i've had
the third degree about the supposed missed opportunity, etc) but at least
partially because from a purely physical point of view it wouldn't have
worked out well...i had a kidney removed two years earlier, and also have a
leg length difference of around three inches. (him trying to teach me a kick
one nearly caused me to dislocate my knee) as well as having a smattering of
various more minor neurological/physical disabilities. he was really
enthusiastic about teaching me, even wanting to modify the style for my
circumstances...but we worked out that i only would have been able to learn
hand-related stuff, and sparring could have been deadly due to the single
kidney.

in 1997, when i moved to the area i'm living in now, (sunbury, one of
melbourne's more socially dubious areas) i was walking back from a petrol
station one night in summer at about 3-4 am, when i ran into two of the
local thugs and was nearly strangled. i can remember believing that i was
going to die, but also becoming very calm and mentally clear about it; i
also did not resist the two individuals who attacked me at all. from the
point of view of showing me that i could be in a situation where i was
possibly going to die without panicking, it was actually a positive
experience.

astrologically speaking, my chart has a particular placement called libra
north node. what this means is that karmically/reincarnationally speaking,
my past has (possibly) been oriented towards violence. because of this,
developing nonviolence is actually a primary developmental lesson for me,
and i tend to suspect that that is actually why i had the kidney problems;
in order to ensure that i wouldn't be able to afford the physical risk to
myself associated with fighting.

i'm aware of the concept of martial arts being a very useful and effective
catalyst towards self-actualisation; that in itself is probably the main
cause of any regret i might have felt about not having learnt it. growing
up, i also observed a few individuals who were skilled in one or more forms
of martial arts displaying fairly obvious attitudes of superiority, similar
to how i've seen some people in the military regarding civilians and
second-class citizens. given that my grandfather was also quite an
accomplished bomber pilot during the world war 2, for a fair while i had
some inadequacy issues which needed to be sorted out there.

i'm at the point now where i've largely accepted that libran non-aggression
is the developmental ideal for me. i'm *nowhere* near there yet,
however...i still play violent computer games periodically, can be quite
sarcastic and abusive on slashdot at times, and have difficulty mediating
myself emotionally at times with regards to our current international
political leaders, as well as still not being vegetarian. i've primarily
however come to believe in the truth of the old japanese saying that once
you draw your sword, you've already lost. in terms of what has been said
about the point of martial arts being never to use it, my own counter would
also be that if you don't learn it, there's absolutely no possibility of you
using it; hence, that is a more effective means of making sure that you
never do. ;-)

in terms of the safety issue, i will admit i virtually don't go outside at
all these days except to buy food, but then again that is as much because of
the local government's increased sts tendencies than because i'm worried
about being bashed by my neighbours. (although that is a concern as well;
i've been told my next door neighbour is an amphetamine user, and he has
been aggressive at times.) given that i believe that being non-violent is a
developmental focus for me however, i have also had to come to believe that
i will be spiritually/synchronistically assisted in avoiding dangerous
situations. (which i think has happened a few times)

> it "the instinct of self-preservation." (a part of me cries as i write
this
> in detail for the first time, because of how i know it must sound, but if
> you have to preserve your life, and it is wise to do so, you need it.)

my own philosophy is (and has been for more than ten years, if i'm honest)
that the preservation of my own life is not worth the ending of somebody
else's. the other thing is that in my own mind, physical self-preservation
through violence is just that...purely physical...in the sense that by
resorting to violence yourself, you have been successfully influenced by
your attacker; you have allowed them to dictate your own course of action.

i still screw up on this and get angry at times, but on a core level, (and
when i'm able to control myself emotionally) i believe that if i ever want
to really see the development of the kind of 4d society that i *do* want to
see, the only way to accomplish that is going to be by living it myself. if
i want a society where people are not violent, i cannot be violent myself.
if i want to see an economy that is based on the equal value system, (i
won't quote the source of that concept here; some of you know it, and to
cite it directly would probably get me moderated) i need to live that and
practice it myself. peer to peer filesharing is the first step with that,
but we still have a long way to go.

> vision, and complete freedom from any stray thoughts. "spirit" was the
main
> thing he wished to teach us out of the entire training, and after five
years
> i could go into spirit in less than three seconds - but i did know it was

some of what you've described concerning this doesn't sound to me to be
terribly spiritual, i will admit...so i'm not sure if spirit is what i'd
call it. the computer game enter the matrix calls it "focus" though, and i
probably wouldn't call it that either, but i think i've got at least a vague
idea of what you're talking about...enough to know that it's very well
documented in various forms, anywayz. being able to attain a state like
that at will is very interesting, though.

> of the form, as i did it, was taking place on a battlefield. i was killing
> people, blood gushing, eyes gouging, you name it. it lasted through the
> whole form, and i could not make it stop. every battlefield event

the message that i would get from that myself would be to stop doing it; to
me what a vision like that would be saying is that that sort of violence had
been committed for thousands of years, and that by learning the forms you
were, you were basically allowing that a means of perpetuating, at least in
theory. but then again, that's just what i would take from it...it probably
wasn't intended to make that statement to you at all.

> not angry, but simply following the procedure. dad, on the other hand,
> obviously used form with spirit to process his rage, which is not
"spirit",
> though it might look similar. he could be easily knocked over in a fight

this is where i have difficulty believing at times that what essentially
amounts to learning how to inflict overwhelming violence upon other people
is really spiritual at all. as i said earlier, i'm aware of what's been
said about martial arts as a tool for self-discovery, but i can't help
having doubts. i've never been able to forget how overwhelmingly arrogant
jet li has always seemed in every role i've seen him in...so i don't think
it was just the characters that were written for him, either...it was
consistent. i've found myself wondering; what's he really arrogant about?
that he's become extremely proficient at knowing how to beat other people
up? gee...that's really something to be proud of. ;-)

> while on an lsd trip that summer, i experienced a strange vision where the
> neighbor across the street from don t's came over, very drunk and reeking.

i will admit it; i've always lamented that during my own drug phase i never
got to try either salvia divinorum or lsd. (to anyone who's going to
consider me a degenerate for admitting such: guilty as charged. i'm not so
much saying that i'd want to do it *now*, but i've read trip reports that
were sufficiently interesting that it caused me to wish that i'd done it
back when i was still doing other drugs anyway. marijuana was the
equivalent of laughing gas or anaesthesia for me; i used to think that if
there was any point in doing drugs at all, the visions would have been it.)

> any way. i felt that creating thought-forms in your mind was lending
energy
> to make these things become real, on a level that you could only really
see
> if you were on lsd and in the right frame of mind. i did not want
"portals"

from what i've read about it, i'm inclined to believe that among the other
barriers lsd lowers, it also reduces the time lag/inhibition between willing
something to exist and it actually coming into existence. i knew someone
once who believed that he had some interesting paranormal abilities while on
lsd...and the thing is, i'm inclined to believe that he actually *did*.

> opportunity of having a "single" in a coed corridor-style dorm, which i am
> eternally grateful for. it was only under these circumstances that i could
> have a true, live-in sexual relationship with a woman, with all of its
> soul-shattering drama and horror and intrigue, while still entombed within

personally i would have stuck with the lsd. the demons almost certainly
would have been safer. ;-)

> more importantly, after enough relationships and heartbreaks, you lose
> codependency and become counter-dependent, pushing away intimacy all the
> time rather than craving it. then you become "sexy" to codependent types,

unfortunately, i never got to have enough relationships to get to that point
before my current one. ;-)

[David Wilcock]

from: asc2k@yahoogroups.com (/group/asc2k/post?postid=ob44kbczh4djwkvdwcmctyx8ltridxo200kco2 8vqi5xivr4iymv4shpthtey8gphgdvij24srxmfwo) [mailto:asc2k@yahoogroups.com (/group/asc2k/post?postid=ob44kbczh4djwkvdwcmctyx8ltridxo200kco2 8vqi5xivr4iymv4shpthtey8gphgdvij24srxmfwo)] on behalf of
petrus

>growing
up, i also observed a few individuals who were skilled in one or more forms
of martial arts displaying fairly obvious attitudes of superiority, similar
to how i've seen some people in the military regarding civilians and
second-class citizens.

dw: i certainly never copped an attitude, and also never even told anyone i
had done it... we were warned that people would try to goad you into using
it if they knew. on the other hand i remember a friend i had in second grade
who used to be really cool, and then started taking karate and stopped
hanging out with me completely, turning into a proud, militaristic and smug
type of guy who was "above" everyone and ill-tempered.

>in terms of what has been said
about the point of martial arts being never to use it, my own counter would
also be that if you don't learn it, there's absolutely no possibility of you
using it; hence, that is a more effective means of making sure that you
never do. ;-)

dw: i think that there was a point to it, insofar as i did not want to be
plagued with fear. rather than try to "hum it away" which would not have
worked for me at that age, i wanted to learn something to insure that i
never had to worry about other human beings. lacking that fear can be what
gets you to handle situations in very peaceful, uplifting ways. i've walked
through urban ghettos at night, you name it, and i don't get freaked out.
very much. i must say that venice beach, la, down by the boardwalk at night,
had me in "warrior" mode, as did navigating through all the vendors in
egypt, particularly at edfu temple where they were all severe drug addicts.

>given that i believe that being non-violent is a
developmental focus for me however, i have also had to come to believe that
i will be spiritually/synchronistically assisted in avoiding dangerous
situations. (which i think has happened a few times)

dw: sure. i am not saying that learning the arts of warfare is in any way
necessary for the spiritual path. if you intend to be a warrior defending
earth in 4d from the negatives, then yes, you should probably take martial
arts classes. otherwise the knowledge, acceptance and forgiveness of the
self, in seeking the law of one, is still the principal concern, as always.


> it "the instinct of self-preservation." (a part of me cries as i write
this
> in detail for the first time, because of how i know it must sound, but if
> you have to preserve your life, and it is wise to do so, you need it.)

>my own philosophy is (and has been for more than ten years, if i'm honest)
that the preservation of my own life is not worth the ending of somebody
else's.

dw: that would be classified as a fourth-density martyrdom understanding,
but may not hold true in higher levels. a sixth-chakra blockage, for
example, manifests as feelings of "unworthiness." if you had a wife and
children and someone was going to rape and murder them, and you could stop
the person, i think you would do it... and in the law of one perspective you
would be recognizing the "folly" of the entity that was going to do the
crime and balance the action, sending it on to the next part of its journey.


>the other thing is that in my own mind, physical self-preservation
through violence is just that...purely physical...in the sense that by
resorting to violence yourself, you have been successfully influenced by
your attacker; you have allowed them to dictate your own course of action.

dw: like the situation i described above (which should never happen if you
keep your karma clear), there are times where you do have to let your own
course of action be dictated by your environment. hence the wanderer's
mission is "improvisational" at its core, and occasionally you have to do
some unexpected stuff. we get back to the old paradox of, "if you had a gun
and could stop the guy who was about to nuke the whole planet, would you do
it?" in order to serve the greater good, (5d wisdom,) the answer would be
yes, you would.

i still screw up on this and get angry at times, but on a core level, (and
when i'm able to control myself emotionally) i believe that if i ever want
to really see the development of the kind of 4d society that i *do* want to
see, the only way to accomplish that is going to be by living it myself. if
i want a society where people are not violent, i cannot be violent myself.

dw: this is all fine and good 4d-sounding stuff... but remember the
luciferian force, which "inspires movement and growth." it's great to have
ideals, but the jesus teaching of "turn the other cheek" in every case looks
great on paper, but is not considered a law of one teaching - just a
fourth-density perspective imbalanced by martyrdom.

the key, again, is to never violate others' free will. you don't go around
hating people or manipulating them. nonetheless there are times where you do
what you have to do. there was a "race riot" in new paltz one time and i was
the only one in the entire crowd of otherwise-cowardly college students who
went out into the melee and dragged one of the wounded, bleeding frat boys
off to safety. though the african-american dudes could have shot or stabbed
me, they were amazed by my courage and respected me, and i was unharmed. i
could not have done that without the training. hundreds of people and i was
the only one who helped the wounded.

> vision, and complete freedom from any stray thoughts. "spirit" was the
main
> thing he wished to teach us out of the entire training, and after five
years
> i could go into spirit in less than three seconds - but i did know it was

>some of what you've described concerning this doesn't sound to me to be
terribly spiritual, i will admit...so i'm not sure if spirit is what i'd
call it.

dw: he called it "spirit." i am using his terminology. if there were a
different word he had called it, i would have used that word. when i use the
word "spirit," unless i specifically refer to that aspect of my training,
which i never have until just today, it has nothing to do with the martial
arts form of the word. the martial arts definition of "spirit" i was taught
is one of raising yourself to a state where you do not feel physical pain
and can work quickly and effectively to protect yourself or others. i can
also call it 'the form' and it means about the same thing; "spirit" is the
mental state you go into, and "the form" is what you do once you attain it
in order to practice moving effectively so you don't stiffen up or wig out.

>the computer game enter the matrix calls it "focus" though, and i
probably wouldn't call it that either, but i think i've got at least a vague
idea of what you're talking about...enough to know that it's very well
documented in various forms, anywayz. being able to attain a state like
that at will is very interesting, though.

dw: i do believe that as a discipline, it was of value in eventually
teaching me how to meditate into a vastly purer, higher, more refined state,
and to hold that consciousness without having stray thoughtforms. the "form"
only got me to crank up the first three chakras, which was where all the
tension would go anyway - the preserving of the body cavity with the
abdominal muscles... so no, i do not consider "form with spirit" to be a
"spiritual" discipline in the sense that i normally would describe it... it
is a martial art, i.e. a warrior's skill. there is no heart, wisdom or law
of one in this skill - just red, orange and yellow.

the meditative practice took several more years after i had learned "form
with spirit" to be able to do with any reliability. i could crank the lower
chakras fully open and then opening the higher ones were a far more
delicate, soft, intensive, dedicated form of working.

however, the "form" discipline did teach me to open them and keep them open,
at least in principle, and it may also help explain why i got so good at
remembering dreams, since i was doing very non-ordinary states of
consciousness with complete sobriety and waking consciousness and making
rapid shifts.

another possible link, just in terms of a discipline that my energy field
first started to learn in the lower levels (which i don't even practice
anymore, the last time i did the form was before i ever started channeling)
is that i now can "quick-dial" my way into a deep-trance psychic reading
with a little chanting and opening prayer. i do always follow the protocols
but there are times where i totally achieve maximal source contact within
seconds of beginning the chanting... and i always follow through with the
protocols anyway to insure protection of the work.

in fact, some times i would get so deeply "out" that the opening prayer
would come out very slowly and laboriously, one word at a time, because i
lost consciousness and had to "channel" the opening. that only happened once
or twice and we would laugh about it afterwards.

others call this state a form of "self-hypnosis" and have used it to shut
off their pain reflex. i found a way to turn off the pain without going into
"spirit" as a result of all the acupuncture treatments from hideo. it is a
far more delicate art, in my opinion, to shut off pain without
simultaneously triggering the warrior reflex, because then you still have to
deal with emotions and balance them as you feel the pain - thus bringing in
the heart chakra.

> of the form, as i did it, was taking place on a battlefield. i was killing
> people, blood gushing, eyes gouging, you name it. it lasted through the
> whole form, and i could not make it stop. every battlefield event

>the message that i would get from that myself would be to stop doing it; to
me what a vision like that would be saying is that that sort of violence had
been committed for thousands of years, and that by learning the forms you
were, you were basically allowing that a means of perpetuating, at least in
theory. but then again, that's just what i would take from it...it probably
wasn't intended to make that statement to you at all.

dw: i'm not telling you things like this to try to look good, or seem as if
i'm special, or present myself in a positive way. you can certainly have a
bad reaction to something i share from my own life - i just request that you
not lapse into judgment, since this is a law of one forum and we do
emphasize that all experiences are acceptable in the proper time and place
for each entity. we keep a focus with our guidelines for the purpose of not
allowing anyone and everyone to clutter it up with off-topic, fear-mongering
material. in this case i felt that the material could possibly offer further
insights for those who may have studied karate or kung-fu, or engaged in
other strong physical disciplines like gymnastics.

i am aware that it is questionable material, which is why i never bothered
to write it up before. it doesn't matter very much in the grand scheme of
things. some people who end up channeling have a past that is far uglier on
paper than mine - i really never hurt or took advantage of anyone while
growing up.

i am also sharing it with you because i am a human being, and think about
it... what groups like ra are hoping for is for each person to be just
slightly more service-to-others (sto) than service-to-self (sts) - just that
51% margin of sto is all that is required. so if someone had an experience
that they feel is unforgivable, and if my testimony reminds them of it in
some way, it's good to see that you can still turn your life around and
really change, and heal, afterwards. imagine, for example, someone who
caused an accidental death of another person. how do you forgive yourself?
that's your deal, but at some point you have to do just that.

> not angry, but simply following the procedure. dad, on the other hand,
> obviously used form with spirit to process his rage, which is not
"spirit",
> though it might look similar. he could be easily knocked over in a fight

>this is where i have difficulty believing at times that what essentially
amounts to learning how to inflict overwhelming violence upon other people
is really spiritual at all.

dw: again, you're confusing what the word "spirit" is supposed to indicate
here. the point is that if someone is already inflicting overwhelming
violence on you, and you decide that it is not your time to leave the
incarnation, you are not a bad person for seeing it that way and you do have
options. imagine how much the negatives in power would appreciate it if they
could foster a new age movement that got everyone to accept death or torture
whenever and however it was doled out, and never complain... just something
to consider.

>as i said earlier, i'm aware of what's been
said about martial arts as a tool for self-discovery, but i can't help
having doubts.

dw: so doubt! clearly you don't need this training and shouldn't feel even
slightly upset about not seeking it. i would never tell you what to do.

>i knew someone
once who believed that he had some interesting paranormal abilities while on
lsd...and the thing is, i'm inclined to believe that he actually *did*.

dw: i played yahtzee on 'shrooms and was able to roll 3, 4 or 5-of-a-kind
6's every single time. this lost me the game because once i set the
intention for "big sixes," i couldn't shut it off.

in general this is not a forum for discussing trip experiences because we do
not in any way condone using these drugs. they are extremely damaging to the
physical body and can be quite dangerous. i do remember stories of people
who were doing dishes and thought that certain sharp things in the sink were
actually the sponge... or people who become convinced that they can fly and
give it a shot.

the seth books said it best - these drugs demolish the personality self that
you had created up until that moment. you can piece it back together from
memory, but you are essentially re-creating yourself and it's not the same.
while in that state, you are totally depersonalized and become an "observer"
to the world, because you literally have annihilated your personality self
and smashed all conscious and subconscious portions together into a big mess
that you try to make sense out of while it is all happening. reality and
imagination can blur together and in the most severe levels of dosage (which
i never did) you get complete frontal hallucinations and can't distinguish
your environment. the most i ever got was occasional things that did not
destabilize the environment, especially in peripheral vision.

the only time i ever had a "flashback" was when i was playing drums in a
funk band, in a bar, 3-4 years after i quit using all intoxicants. i was in
a very athletic state, doing a complex four-limb drumbeat and singing james
brown lyrics at the same time, and i suddenly lost track of who i was, where
i was, how i got there. all i knew was how to keep playing the beat and
singing. nothing in the room looked any different except that it sparkled.
gradually i tracked my way back into reality and figured out who i was again
and how i got there, and what i was doing.

in higher doses where you do lose track of the environment, you are setting
yourself up for serious trouble, because there may be a flashback at some
point where that could happen again. the flashback would never be more
powerful than what you experienced when it first happened, but again, the
best bet is to totally avoid it. i really don't think it's necessary. it
only messes up your mind and gives you 3-4 years of work to defrag yourself
and then figure out how to get back there again, through meditation, without
drugs, which you could have done in the first place if you had been willing
to try. so why not just try, and save yourself the 4 years of recovery work?
simple, to me...

> opportunity of having a "single" in a coed corridor-style dorm, which i am
> eternally grateful for. it was only under these circumstances that i could
> have a true, live-in sexual relationship with a woman, with all of its
> soul-shattering drama and horror and intrigue, while still entombed within

>personally i would have stuck with the lsd. the demons almost certainly
would have been safer. ;-)

dw: lol! i'm not going to touch that one...

> more importantly, after enough relationships and heartbreaks, you lose
> codependency and become counter-dependent, pushing away intimacy all the
> time rather than craving it. then you become "sexy" to codependent types,

>unfortunately, i never got to have enough relationships to get to that
point
before my current one. ;-)

dw: well, if you want to be sexy you can begin by learning to not always
martyr yourself. find who you are, define your "boundaries" and stick to
them because it is your free will, and your discernment. there is a lot of
gray area, and if you just let people say and do whatever they want, this is
interpreted as overly passive. the woman feels like she's not getting what
she needs from you, spiritually, and the relationship goes down the john.

with my friend francine we're preparing a whole cd series entitled "show me
how to be a man," (i've also suggested "being man, being woman" if we want
to hit both off in one,) which will synthesize a great deal of research into
this topic of how to heal relationships and give each person the archetypal
energy that they are seeking. the problem with wanderers and spiritual males
is that almost everyone's view of spirituality is tied up with
fourth-density energy, which is intrinsically feminine. don't get me
started... this is a long discussion... :)

in time we'll get it done... hopefully after i get out to la. i'm going to
do the music and produce it, and it should be fun and informative.

peace be with you -

- david

[mawk]

hi all and one,

i have not posted for some time but i believe this recent experience might
prove interest to some people on the list.

last week i got some really exciting news that i would be receiving a
scholarship to continue my research into "selective visual attention". i
have worked pretty hard this year and while i have not given up drinking i
will often go for several weeks without having a drink. anyway to cut a long
story short, an old friend who is bisexual and quite a bit older than me
drank a bottle of very expensive malt whisky to celebrate with me. i know,
as the buddhists would say, "very unskilful behaviour". he knows that i am
heterosexual but during the course of the evening tried to make an advance
on me. i managed to ignore him and eventually he passed out on the couch. i
went to bed, but during the night he woke me while he attempted to rape me.
i warned him three times not to try anything but he just ignored me.

it was kind of weird because i went from half asleep to completely focused
on how to stop him from imposing his will. he is a very strong man and
typically most people would not consider fighting him. i certainly wouldn't,
as i am basically a pacifist and generally have been able to talk my way out
of most situations.when he is sober he is a really nice and generous person.
back to the situation, all of a sudden i got this incredibly focussed energy
and i just punched him once at the bottom of his ribcage. he rolled of the
bed in pain and left me alone and i went back to sleep.

later the next day he rang and said he couldn't remember what happened the
previous night but thought he must of fell over and broken a rib or two. i
told him what transpired and left it at that.

the interesting thing is that i have never had boxing or martial arts
lessons and the last time i threw a punch in anger was when i was 12 or 13,
some 30 years ago. it is probably 25 to 30 years since i have got really
angry. having said that i have had a series of dreams in the last couple of
years where i was taught how to focus and control my energy during astral
combat. it seems these lessons came to the fore during this recent
experience.

after a week of contemplating this experience i have managed to forgive my
friend for imposing his will. as of today i started to send healing energy
his way.

my experience also suggests that people with major drug dependencies get a
kind of primordial animal attachment that breaks through their aural field.
i have been shown this several times in people who have been sent to me to
recover. these entities are not to be messed with unless you have a strong
mind, particularly with respect to facing fear.

yours in service,

mawk

[David Wilcock]

from: asc2k@yahoogroups.com (/group/asc2k/post?postid=lr-qmcm2wit_oxuimzib4yvzeehohuvjw5-vkcpitasxmdxw9ejtbt4jfttxfucdtlt42aswcny0wgfwm51ng w) [mailto:asc2k@yahoogroups.com (/group/asc2k/post?postid=lr-qmcm2wit_oxuimzib4yvzeehohuvjw5-vkcpitasxmdxw9ejtbt4jfttxfucdtlt42aswcny0wgfwm51ng w)] on behalf of mawk

>an old friend who is bisexual and quite a bit older than me
drank a bottle of very expensive malt whisky to celebrate with me. i know,
as the buddhists would say, "very unskilful behaviour". he knows that i am
heterosexual but during the course of the evening tried to make an advance
on me. i managed to ignore him and eventually he passed out on the couch. i
went to bed, but during the night he woke me while he attempted to rape me.
i warned him three times not to try anything but he just ignored me.

dw: wow. thanks for being so honest and sharing something like that with us.
that's some very heavy material. i have had strong passes come at me from a
variety of guys, ever since hs, but nothing anywhere close to this level of
magnitude.

>it was kind of weird because i went from half asleep to completely focused
on how to stop him from imposing his will. he is a very strong man and
typically most people would not consider fighting him. i certainly wouldn't,
as i am basically a pacifist and generally have been able to talk my way out
of most situations.when he is sober he is a really nice and generous person.
back to the situation, all of a sudden i got this incredibly focussed energy
and i just punched him once at the bottom of his ribcage. he rolled of the
bed in pain and left me alone and i went back to sleep.

dw: somehow you actually hit one of the seven "targets" on the human body
that are usually non-lethal but remove the ability of the body to continue
its attack - that one is called the "floating rib." our instructor told the
tale of a guy on pcp who literally had the entire center of his chest blown
out with a gunshot (45 or something i guess) and kept on fighting - certain
drugs make people completely insensitive to physical pain - so he did
research and found all the 'targets' that would stop the body even in a case
like that. and somehow you were guided to use one of them. to me, this shows
that if you are a spiritual person, you will be protected, and things can
happen at the right moment to insure your safety.

initiation experiences can happen. they don't happen unless you're ready for
them, as that's the way the law of free will works. you do hope never to
have to use something like this. if i awoke to find a man trying to rape me
and words did nothing to stop it, i would also have hit him on one of the
targets and then fled the area.

>later the next day he rang and said he couldn't remember what happened the
previous night but thought he must of fell over and broken a rib or two. i
told him what transpired and left it at that.

dw: again... you win big points for actually telling him the truth and not
letting his amnesia be your cover.

>the interesting thing is that i have never had boxing or martial arts
lessons and the last time i threw a punch in anger was when i was 12 or 13,
some 30 years ago. it is probably 25 to 30 years since i have got really
angry. having said that i have had a series of dreams in the last couple of
years where i was taught how to focus and control my energy during astral
combat. it seems these lessons came to the fore during this recent
experience.

dw: lol - here i'm saying that if you feel a pull to learn astral combat you
should have martial arts training, as it spills over, and now you're saying
that the astral component spilled over to the physical! i guess that is how
it works... :)

>after a week of contemplating this experience i have managed to forgive my
friend for imposing his will. as of today i started to send healing energy
his way.

dw: you may yet have a few "gut-wrenching 180s" to contend with, but yes,
you're absolutely on the right track. the worst thing you can do is to not
process something like this right after it happens. then it gets buried as a
repressed memory and you can be very easily "triggered" by other events in
your life and it all comes flying back up in your face again.

acceptance and forgiveness does not necessarily mean that you need to send
him energy to heal his floating rib. that injury probably served as the
balance for the action he took.

>my experience also suggests that people with major drug dependencies get a
kind of primordial animal attachment that breaks through their aural field.
i have been shown this several times in people who have been sent to me to
recover. these entities are not to be messed with unless you have a strong
mind, particularly with respect to facing fear.

dw: i cannot agree more. i have a couple other experiences of this caliber
that i have not shared. suffice it to say that i have shared one time where
i actually saw it visually. dr. izumoto saw it every single time he worked
on someone. as he had just about driven the negative entity out of the
person's energy field, it would superimpose over their face, in agony, and
then there would be a "popping" sensation as he drove it out, and their face
would return to normal. sometimes i would feel them leaving as well. they
can't tangle up with you when you are awake. they very quickly lose energy
as they are driven out of the body.

typically you have to wait two weeks to see the full repercussions of such a
cleansing - all kinds of things shift. let's not forget that undigested
material in the colon can provide a habitat for these entities - in some
cases people have material that has putrefied for years in there. hence
there is a part of the law of one where they describe combining a physical
fast / cleansing with a metaphysical process of "relieving unwanted
material" from the psyche as well.

peace be with you -

- david

yours in service,

mawk

[* Zia]

hi david,

i am astonished and thrilled at the level of honesty and sincerity in the
sharing here. quite refreshing. i have been reading for days your accounts
on divine cosmos with great interest as well as throwing in a very deep
sequential re-read of the law of one. even the first transcription fired my
memory of reading this so long ago, and i found great understanding now
available to me :) experience within time is a profound teacher, and so too
is adversity!

to me, sts is being part of the problem. this is love of power.
sto is being part of the solution. this is power of love.



dw: i think that there was a point to it, insofar as i did not want to be
plagued with fear. rather than try to "hum it away" which would not have
worked for me at that age, i wanted to learn something to insure that i
never had to worry about other human beings. lacking that fear can be what
gets you to handle situations in very peaceful, uplifting ways. i've walked
through urban ghettos at night, you name it, and i don't get freaked out.
very much. i must say that venice beach, la, down by the boardwalk at night,
had me in "warrior" mode, as did navigating through all the vendors in
egypt, particularly at edfu temple where they were all severe drug addicts.

upon awakening this morning, my mind instantly showed me that martial arts
is dealing with threats to the body, with the body. this is a mass to mass
solution, and in time and over time, does not hold up. what i see that you
gained from martial arts (and i have seen myself as a female warrior long
ago, and when the memories triggered i cried buckets of tears with the pain
in my heart, until that pain was gone, and did feel a certain sense of pride
in my successful prowess at fighting!) that some attain through other styles
of disciplines, is incredible focus, and a powerful will. it is these two
attributes that will assist you as i see it, while using a higher level
consciousness and the power inherent within that directed by the mind
willfully.

as i see it jesus was always safe in a crowd because through his focus of
mind, he could speed up his body frequency to be invisible, and walk or run
away easily. waling on water is the same, speeding up the frequency to a
point of levitation. appollonius of tyana being held in chains in front of
the roman senate on trial and a verdict of guilty given, used his abilities
of a higher consciousness mind and focused will, while standing naked and in
chains (so he could not escape) to raise his body frequency of mind, and he
simply said (having been silent to that point) 'i am not bound by space or
time' and disappeared in a ball of light, bio-locating some 4000 miles away
to his students! this is related in 'true messiah' 'the story of
appollonius of tyana 3bc - ad96, by pa malpas.

to me, when we develop and use the abilities of our levels of consciousness
(mind) through focus and applied will, then we are always safe wherever we
are, on whatever level, density, dimension, reality... whatever :) this to
me is why the power of love is soo powerful. because even though i may not
know the how, calling on that power of love is inherent within the
'miracles' of invisibility, biolocation, etc which ultimately i can learn
and master.

when i was 16 i was attacked by 16 men and raped by four of them before i
got away. now how would i get away from 16 men... at least all of them were
drunk? i tried fighting them and i was in an impossible situation, in a
room with only one exit on a boat. by the fourth i had to really start
thinking instead of screaming and fighting! so i appealed to the fourth
that i needed to use the toilet which got me outside, off the boat, and into
a little port-a-pottie that was a fixed type of building. there were seven
or eight foot fences surrounding the marina with rows of barbed wire on the
top! in those few precious moments in the pottie, i called, and really
bothered god to get me out of there... and when i came out, these guys were
all standing around, waiting within a few feet with of course no escape in
that number of guys! i looked at the fence and simply told god to get me
over it! and i went over, and i am not a high jumper and no run up, and
nothing left of me on the barbed wire either! and then i started
running.... wow did i run.... they had to go the long way to get out, and
well i won the race! i am learning to develop those higher level skills
because to me they are our natural birthright!

thank you for the opportunity to share :) z

[Chuck]

hi mawk - i just had a quick thought on this, while i was thinking about
your study on visual attention.

it has come to me that the unique factor in visual attention for humans
is a concept that i call "pattern differentiation recognition".

in that, (no doubt due to our selection over thousands of years) we have
become adept at looking at a vast filed of energy emissions (i.e. light
reflection) and have developed the ability to recognize the
"outstanding" energy in a field. this could be due to selectively
seeking the "camouflaged prey" or it could be a component of
subconscious-based reticular activating system focus, but we, as
creatures, look out into the world and seek not the montage of light
that is presented to us, but that which differentiates itself among all
the clutter.

that's been my "revelation" as it were. don't know if this even goes
anywhere near what you are working on, but thought i'd offer it up
anyway.

cheers!

chuck

-----original message-----
from: asc2k@yahoogroups.com (/group/asc2k/post?postid=h07obrcqvnnirelt07dxeetsuia0nm6uszq-ymd1xubtqs6mexdqupqji4wc7p04lt6oh25_zbzgem4aww0) [mailto:asc2k@yahoogroups.com (/group/asc2k/post?postid=h07obrcqvnnirelt07dxeetsuia0nm6uszq-ymd1xubtqs6mexdqupqji4wc7p04lt6oh25_zbzgem4aww0)] on behalf of
mawk
sent: friday, december 30, 2005 8:55 pm
to: asc2k@yahoogroups.com (/group/asc2k/post?postid=h07obrcqvnnirelt07dxeetsuia0nm6uszq-ymd1xubtqs6mexdqupqji4wc7p04lt6oh25_zbzgem4aww0)
subject: re: [asc2k] incubating social memory complex?


hi all and one,

i have not posted for some time but i believe this recent experience
might
prove interest to some people on the list.

last week i got some really exciting news that i would be receiving a
scholarship to continue my research into "selective visual attention".



[non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[Petrus]

> i actually saw it visually. dr. izumoto saw it every single time he worked
> on someone. as he had just about driven the negative entity out of the
> person's energy field, it would superimpose over their face, in agony, and

i used to know someone with multiple personality disorder who had picked up
a couple of sts entities masquerading as personalities, which i actually
helped drive out...that was quite a harrowing experience actually. i had a
few such experiences in my teens, and it's not the sort of thing i engage in
any more. i also had a renegade wiccan sic a group of nasties onto me once
as well...i had to get some friends to help me deal with that. it's the
sort of thing which when i've talked about it, most people's immediate
reaction is to label me schizophrenic...but it happened.

during my late teens i had an entity which i initially thought was another
personality, (long story - i was institutionalised at 17 briefly) but which
i'm now moderately sure is/was a spirit guide. she's militaristically
oriented where i'm not, and so i tend to think that that is why she was
actually "assigned" to me, in order not only to protect me but to assist me
in situations where i need that type of thing. she was helping me during
the abovementioned exorcism type experiences...but i'm not normally in
contact with her in other than exceptional circumstances...although that's
probably been primarily due to my choice, rather than hers.

[prrrba]

--- in asc2k@yahoogroups.com (/group/asc2k/post?postid=4nwmxdpkbmvn1s2erum9mln4tqmy2iqudtgdli ove-8jf3smncb5yxijqmeyumxzq0ssgdsukxcrs2ujxblrqg), "david wilcock" <djw333@i...> wrote:
>
>it is possible that some of us are in training for being "guardians"
of the earth against negative incursions once it flips over to
fourth-density. i might end up being one of them, for all i know. it
is good, if you intend to go in this direction, to have some sort of
physical martial arts training to complement the metaphysical, so as
to increase your overall self-discipline.


david,

thanks for the detailed biopic: your background helps me get a
textured flavor of how you got here.

regarding the above possibility: any ideas/premonitions of how this
might play out? my handle, "prrrba", denotes the tibetan "demon
nail", which i regularly use in my meditation practice. over the past
seven years or so, while researching eschatology in the works of
terence mckenna, rudolph steiner and rene guenon -- in addition to law
of one -- i've undergone what feels like a pretty thorough initiation
into the reality of the demonic and my ongoing relation to its
negative presence. what you are saying further informs this sense,
but in relation to the future. i expect to be guided as needed when
the time comes (as i feel i am guided now in dreams, intuitions, and
synchronicities), but am curious if you have anything further to add
on this matter.

if not, no biggie.

peace, chris

[David Wilcock]

from: asc2k@yahoogroups.com (/group/asc2k/post?postid=akpxgytbkfnak2jhcdsahrme_o341rgfjpvivh uyrx4mwksi2ijma7aoyd9b5_ddkdrotxgv8muhnjg) [mailto:asc2k@yahoogroups.com (/group/asc2k/post?postid=akpxgytbkfnak2jhcdsahrme_o341rgfjpvivh uyrx4mwksi2ijma7aoyd9b5_ddkdrotxgv8muhnjg)] on behalf of *
zia

hi david,

i am astonished and thrilled at the level of honesty and sincerity in the
sharing here. quite refreshing.

dw: well, thank you. this is the fruit of me not having to travel, do
clients or have deadlines for some big project. for me, doing any kind of
personal growth work means journaling. much of what i have been writing is
not here... you guys are just getting a portion of it. for me journaling is
not "work" - it's what i do to get clear, and process my initiation
experiences so that they do not need to keep repeating. plus, i do type
really fast, almost as fast as most people talk, and that helps this happen
quickly.

i have been reading for days your accounts
on divine cosmos with great interest as well as throwing in a very deep
sequential re-read of the law of one. even the first transcription fired my

memory of reading this so long ago, and i found great understanding now
available to me :) experience within time is a profound teacher, and so too

is adversity!

dw: it is truly amazing that within the law of one is a path to full
enlightenment, i feel. no matter how far i have grown with the material i
can go back to it and see more than i did before. i'm finally at a point now
where i feel as disappointed as ra did when the questions start going
transient... and that's a first.

>to me, sts is being part of the problem. this is love of power.
sto is being part of the solution. this is power of love.

dw: that's very clever, and definitely a "true 'dat!"

what i see that you
gained from martial arts ... is incredible focus, and a powerful will.

dw: yes, that seems right. i have wondered before how my story would look
from the outside - losing 85 pounds in less than a year and keeping it off,
quitting drugs and never relapsing, making huge dietary shifts, dedicating
my life to a spiritual cause, et cetera. there is no doubt that this
strength was nurtured by the training.

when i was 16 i was attacked by 16 men and raped by four of them before i
got away... i appealed to the fourth
that i needed to use the toilet which got me outside, off the boat, and into

a little port-a-pottie that was a fixed type of building... i looked at the
fence and simply told god to get me
over it! and i went over, and i am not a high jumper and no run up, and
nothing left of me on the barbed wire either! and then i started
running.... wow did i run.... they had to go the long way to get out, and
well i won the race! i am learning to develop those higher level skills
because to me they are our natural birthright!

thank you for the opportunity to share :) z

dw: thank you for sharing that obviously painful but triumphant story! i
have worked extensively with people who have been through sexual abuse and
one strong sign of it being processed and healed is if they can share about
it with others. that's a very brave and courageous thing to do and i thank
you, as i hope everyone who shares something painful like this knows that i
thank you. if i screw up and do not write, get too busy, et cetera, please
don't take it the wrong way... i am doing a lot of inner work right now and
do not multitask well at all.

peace be with you -

- david

[Petrus]

> dw: this is all fine and good 4d-sounding stuff... but remember the
> luciferian force, which "inspires movement and growth." it's great to have

activity i can agree with, but i try and keep my own sts behaviour to a bare
minimum. i don't think neglect of the "luciferian force" is something
that's going to happen any time soon, however. if there's one thing i think
we can rely on even more than the proverbial death and taxes, it's the idea
that the dark side is always going to be popular. ;-)

> i'm special, or present myself in a positive way. you can certainly have a
> bad reaction to something i share from my own life - i just request that
you
> not lapse into judgment, since this is a law of one forum and we do

i apologise. i did get a bit judgemental there.

> dw: i played yahtzee on 'shrooms and was able to roll 3, 4 or 5-of-a-kind
> 6's every single time. this lost me the game because once i set the
> intention for "big sixes," i couldn't shut it off.

very, very interesting. it is a shame drugs seem to do so much damage in
other respects...if we could figure out how to isolate the paranormal
elements from the bad stuff, we might have something very useful.

> while in that state, you are totally depersonalized and become an
"observer"
> to the world, because you literally have annihilated your personality self
> and smashed all conscious and subconscious portions together into a big
mess

yes...although what's interesting is that those who advocate lsd as a
developmental tool argue that it's precisely that characteristic which makes
it so useful. although i never took psychedelics as i said, reading about
timothy leary's experiences actually did help to get me thinking out of the
box in some important areas, i think. it's a good thing i was able to thus
get that information from leary's own experiences, rather than needing to
actually have them myself.

[David Wilcock]

from: asc2k@yahoogroups.com (/group/asc2k/post?postid=cb8jqum18illjgjez0uwsfxzjghcpxucoz7tqj h_n5ykcldvxi9xk42omlrew3mwnmgwsbyuz7nv8ns) [mailto:asc2k@yahoogroups.com (/group/asc2k/post?postid=cb8jqum18illjgjez0uwsfxzjghcpxucoz7tqj h_n5ykcldvxi9xk42omlrew3mwnmgwsbyuz7nv8ns)] on behalf of
petrus

> dw: this is all fine and good 4d-sounding stuff... but remember the
> luciferian force, which "inspires movement and growth." it's great to have

activity i can agree with, but i try and keep my own sts behaviour to a bare
minimum. i don't think neglect of the "luciferian force" is something
that's going to happen any time soon, however.

dw: it doesn't appear that you are seeing the point i was making. you have
to see beyond little words like "service to self" or "sts" to get to the
core of what this negative path really means - the violation of others' free
will through manipulation and control. if you are going to save your own
life, that is not "sts behavior." if you want to have your sixth chakra
activated, so you can actually do spiritual work, you have to process the
"unworthiness."

> i'm special, or present myself in a positive way. you can certainly have a
> bad reaction to something i share from my own life - i just request that
you
> not lapse into judgment, since this is a law of one forum and we do

i apologise. i did get a bit judgemental there.

dw: people defend things like fourth-density martyrdom so hard that it is
very difficult to break that conditioning - and the messenger gets attacked.
i know you try not to do this, but your words do make it clear that you want
to see me on some kind of pedestal, and it is disappointing if you hear
something that does not fit with your vision. so realizing that i am trained
in lethal techniques and my friend saw "gargoyles" over my face when i was
heavy drug addict is not exactly going to fit that placid vision of an
idealized being.

> dw: i played yahtzee on 'shrooms and was able to roll 3, 4 or 5-of-a-kind
> 6's every single time. this lost me the game because once i set the
> intention for "big sixes," i couldn't shut it off.

>very, very interesting. it is a shame drugs seem to do so much damage in
other respects...if we could figure out how to isolate the paranormal
elements from the bad stuff, we might have something very useful.

dw: we did. it's called disciplined meditation.

> while in that state, you are totally depersonalized and become an
"observer"
> to the world, because you literally have annihilated your personality self
> and smashed all conscious and subconscious portions together into a big
mess

>yes...although what's interesting is that those who advocate lsd as a
developmental tool argue that it's precisely that characteristic which makes
it so useful. although i never took psychedelics as i said, reading about
timothy leary's experiences actually did help to get me thinking out of the
box in some important areas, i think. it's a good thing i was able to thus
get that information from leary's own experiences, rather than needing to
actually have them myself.

dw: i do not see any drug as being necessary. it takes 4 years to realign
your 'linkage points' or chakras after drug abuse, in order to be able to do
real spiritual work, for most people. that for me is a strong incentive not
to do it. if i were to use now, i'd have to "retire" for at least 3 years,
putting it up to 2009 before i'd have anything more to say from that
level.... think about it.

peace be with you -

- david

[Petrus]

> will through manipulation and control. if you are going to save your own
> life, that is not "sts behavior." if you want to have your sixth chakra
> activated, so you can actually do spiritual work, you have to process the
> "unworthiness."

well, i do remember a piece of dialogue between sir walter rayleigh (sp?)
and queen elizabeth 1 that i read once.
him: my queen, i would gladly give my life for you.
her: your life is of far more use to me if you keep it.

> i know you try not to do this, but your words do make it clear that you
want
> to see me on some kind of pedestal, and it is disappointing if you hear
> something that does not fit with your vision. so realizing that i am
trained

i know...i've really got to try not to do that. although, what you've been
telling me over the last few days will probably help dispel the being of
light image to at least some degree. *grin*

> >very, very interesting. it is a shame drugs seem to do so much damage in
> other respects...if we could figure out how to isolate the paranormal
> elements from the bad stuff, we might have something very useful.
>
> dw: we did. it's called disciplined meditation.

*grin* oops.

> to do it. if i were to use now, i'd have to "retire" for at least 3 years,
> putting it up to 2009 before i'd have anything more to say from that
> level.... think about it.

that's actually encouraging for me...because i last smoked marijuana in
2002...so i might be able to start learning to do something in depth this
year, perhaps. although that scares me a bit...i've already had some at
least concerning dreams recently, and i wasn't trying.

[Petrus]

"6th chakra - (third eye or adjna centre) forehead, indigo, forehead, light,
clairvoyance, psychic abilities, imagination, dreaming, owl"

it would make a lot of sense if this one was blocked in me, since the
primary reason why i smoked/drank as much as i did was to actually try and
dampen some of the abilities it describes here. i'm going to have to think
about whether or not i *want* to unblock it, actually...my sensitivity used
to cause me a lot of problems when i was younger...that's the main reason
why i tried so hard to get rid of it.

[mawk]

hi all,

first david, thank you for your thoughtful input into the experience i
shared with the group. it was most appreciated. i reviewed my dream diary
and found that i was not taught the location to punch but rather how to
channel the energy. i think as i was in a half awake state that i may have
been guided during the event. i distinctly remember that i didn't want to
impose a lasting injury on the person but i did want to stop them imposing
their will on me. maybe in was your 5d link that provided the support:-)

as usually i am quite amazed at the similarity in our processes. i too
started reading the law of one books again over my summer break and have
also found don's transient questions frustrating. not that i blame don as i
would have ask the et etc questions too given the same level of awareness.
it is just that i now also see, that in the grand scheme of things, it is
not nearly as important as appreciating and understanding the grace in the
process.

yours in service,

mawk

ps happy and prosperous seekings for all who desire such for 2006 and
beyond.

[Pi]

--- in asc2k@yahoogroups.com (/group/asc2k/post?postid=leredevmua4jekhjx84k87l38srhhzma8vaz4b wvszgkvt486jdwhxe3in1mouizlucbsxy61gtvnkheisi), "mawk" <mawk109@o...> wrote:
> hi all,
> i reviewed my dream diary & found that i was not taught the
location to punch but rather how to channel the energy. i think as i
was in a half awake state that i may have been guided during the
event. i distinctly remember that i didn't want to impose a lasting
injury on the person but i did want to stop them imposing their will
on me. maybe in was your 5d link that provided the support:-)


mawk,
your original post reminded me of a somewhat unsettling strange dream
experience i had last march while on vacation. on several nights, i
dreamed a group of persons were acting in collaboration to pester me
& purposely disrupt a vital project i was working on. i'm not sure of
the project's purpose. in one dream, about 35 college classmates plus
spouses & kids appeared at my door & insisted i let them in to watch
a premier viewing of a movie i was in. i didn't know what they were
talking about, so i didn't let them in, but they got in anyway, went
through house, found a tape, & watched excitedly on big-screen tv in
the parlor. i still was confused when they left. the next dream, a
group of adults unrelentingly distracted me from work. i'd ask them
to stop, but they insisted i show my work to them first. i then would
leave & go elsewhere, but couldn't escape. i began to plead, "please,
please, leave me alone ? i'm not bothering you." i later added, "i am
going to act in a way i really don't want to." then, i'm begging you ?
please go away."

in exasperation, i took several steps toward the door, turned around,
& swung hard as i could. i then awoke & was surprised when i realized
i actually had punched the headboard! a pillow deflected my fist, &
there was no damage. the last 3 nights of vacation, i slept in peace,
with no further dreams like that.


peace & love, pi

[raistlinflux]

dw: i do not see any drug as being necessary. it takes 4 years to
realign
your 'linkage points' or chakras after drug abuse, in order to be able
to do
real spiritual work, for most people. that for me is a strong
incentive not
to do it. if i were to use now, i'd have to "retire" for at least 3
years,
putting it up to 2009 before i'd have anything more to say from that
level.... think about it.

hi david,

i was actually curious how you know about these 4 years to realign?