Chris Hamilton
11-18-2002, 07:02 PM
It is so incredibly easy to get caught up in your everyday life, plugging along,
becoming self-service. After all, if you don't look out for #1, who will? There
you are against the world, and if you don't grab and snatch at what you want,
you get left behind. We live in this jaggled vibratory pattern, all these
wanderers and lightworkers who have incredible sensitivity, feeling that we
never fit in or we become chameleons trying to, but we never quite feel like we
are part of the crowd. There is always that small black hole in our heart and we
can't seem to transform it into the light and love we so want because we are
afraid no one else will understand.
Here came Huntsville, by normal seminar standards, neither big nor well known.
Small attendance didn't mean quality, however. Each of those attending had the
radiance of a million candles and each in turn lit up the others until one wave
of love filled the room and permeated the whole weekend. We laughed, we cried,
we came in touch with our inner selves by loving each other, exposing our
innermost angst so all could see. We all became friends and, at the same time,
unity. Of course, this is my perspective, but I think when we have others
remark, there will be concurrence I am certain.
Friday around 2 pm, I had arrived way before many of the people, and, you know
how hard it is to connect with anyone in a hotel if people are in their rooms or
not yet arrived. I hadn't eaten either, but the hotel's restaurant didn't open
until 5 pm and it was pouring rain outside, so I wasn't going out without an
umbrella. Ok, being the totally outgoing (yeh right, I'm thinking) person that I
am :), I went back to my room and pulled out the apple I had rifed from the
restaurant in the morning and the almonds I had packed (and was going to give to
David), and proceeded to scarf the apple and half the almonds. I'm thinking that
David almost has pneumonia and here I am eating his almonds. Sheesh-how STO is
that? I paced the bedroom for about 2 hours, not confident enough to venture
into the void :) Really everyone, I am quite shy-I just hide it behind that
chameleon exterior. When I get comfortable with people, I become me, but not til
then, so bear with me while I lead you from from my fears to the joy of the
light.
I turned on the TV, curled my hair, played with my make-up, ok darnit, I'll
watch the stupid TV. I called the desk to see if Tiffani and her sister had
arrived yet-nope. Allright! it's 4:45! (Oh, btw, David Light Eye, my room was on
the 3rd floor :). I almost ran from the room and cussed at the elevator, it was
soooooooo slow :). I walked into the lobby on the first floor and looked around,
and not seeing anyone who's picture may help me recognize them, I went over to
the restaurant and ordered a Caeser salad with chicken. I couldn't stay in that
restaurant, tho. All sterile, no warmth, so I moved over to the "lounge" area.
Chuckle. It sounds great, and it was very cozy with a fireplace and a big-screen
TV-it was the bar area guys :).
So, I sat there with my salad and a glass of wine all by myself (great, I'm
saying, what am I doing here?) One great advantage, however, was that I could
see everyone coming into the hotel and checking in from my vantage point. So, my
weekend unraveled from that chair-I saw Tiffani and Melissa and Tasha (Jeremy's
girlfriend) walk in. And, when I got up to hug them, there was someone sitting
in the restaurant all by herself that I recognized from a description the
shuttle driver had given me. That was Lovie who also is on this site. She came
over and ate with me, so then I didn't feel so alone. Thank you Lovie :). I love
you.
Oh my!. I haven't even touched the seminar yet, have I? Guess we will just have
to have a part three, huh? Oh, all the guys are probably groaning. Ok, groan,
I'm continuing :) Well, I had brought a disposable camera, the one my husband
had bought for me even tho he thought this whole seminar was voodoo $hit :). I
think I will keep him a few more years. Anyways, Lovie and I are eating (Melissa
is in the corner, not quite ready to say hi), and David's crew walks in. I
haven't seen David in 3 years, so I grab my camera and, sneaking into the foyer,
I yell, "David"!, and snap his picture. Beard and all, and I remember him
without a beard, but knew he had one. It looks good! i go over and hug him-a
nice feeling after 3 years, yes.
People by now are starting to show up, and I talked Melissa into joining Lovie
and I. Melissa is wonderful, just like she writes and full of life. I know right
then I have always loved her wherever we were (Tif too). And my alienated
feeling has started to fade. I am starting to know that I belong here. Chris
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
becoming self-service. After all, if you don't look out for #1, who will? There
you are against the world, and if you don't grab and snatch at what you want,
you get left behind. We live in this jaggled vibratory pattern, all these
wanderers and lightworkers who have incredible sensitivity, feeling that we
never fit in or we become chameleons trying to, but we never quite feel like we
are part of the crowd. There is always that small black hole in our heart and we
can't seem to transform it into the light and love we so want because we are
afraid no one else will understand.
Here came Huntsville, by normal seminar standards, neither big nor well known.
Small attendance didn't mean quality, however. Each of those attending had the
radiance of a million candles and each in turn lit up the others until one wave
of love filled the room and permeated the whole weekend. We laughed, we cried,
we came in touch with our inner selves by loving each other, exposing our
innermost angst so all could see. We all became friends and, at the same time,
unity. Of course, this is my perspective, but I think when we have others
remark, there will be concurrence I am certain.
Friday around 2 pm, I had arrived way before many of the people, and, you know
how hard it is to connect with anyone in a hotel if people are in their rooms or
not yet arrived. I hadn't eaten either, but the hotel's restaurant didn't open
until 5 pm and it was pouring rain outside, so I wasn't going out without an
umbrella. Ok, being the totally outgoing (yeh right, I'm thinking) person that I
am :), I went back to my room and pulled out the apple I had rifed from the
restaurant in the morning and the almonds I had packed (and was going to give to
David), and proceeded to scarf the apple and half the almonds. I'm thinking that
David almost has pneumonia and here I am eating his almonds. Sheesh-how STO is
that? I paced the bedroom for about 2 hours, not confident enough to venture
into the void :) Really everyone, I am quite shy-I just hide it behind that
chameleon exterior. When I get comfortable with people, I become me, but not til
then, so bear with me while I lead you from from my fears to the joy of the
light.
I turned on the TV, curled my hair, played with my make-up, ok darnit, I'll
watch the stupid TV. I called the desk to see if Tiffani and her sister had
arrived yet-nope. Allright! it's 4:45! (Oh, btw, David Light Eye, my room was on
the 3rd floor :). I almost ran from the room and cussed at the elevator, it was
soooooooo slow :). I walked into the lobby on the first floor and looked around,
and not seeing anyone who's picture may help me recognize them, I went over to
the restaurant and ordered a Caeser salad with chicken. I couldn't stay in that
restaurant, tho. All sterile, no warmth, so I moved over to the "lounge" area.
Chuckle. It sounds great, and it was very cozy with a fireplace and a big-screen
TV-it was the bar area guys :).
So, I sat there with my salad and a glass of wine all by myself (great, I'm
saying, what am I doing here?) One great advantage, however, was that I could
see everyone coming into the hotel and checking in from my vantage point. So, my
weekend unraveled from that chair-I saw Tiffani and Melissa and Tasha (Jeremy's
girlfriend) walk in. And, when I got up to hug them, there was someone sitting
in the restaurant all by herself that I recognized from a description the
shuttle driver had given me. That was Lovie who also is on this site. She came
over and ate with me, so then I didn't feel so alone. Thank you Lovie :). I love
you.
Oh my!. I haven't even touched the seminar yet, have I? Guess we will just have
to have a part three, huh? Oh, all the guys are probably groaning. Ok, groan,
I'm continuing :) Well, I had brought a disposable camera, the one my husband
had bought for me even tho he thought this whole seminar was voodoo $hit :). I
think I will keep him a few more years. Anyways, Lovie and I are eating (Melissa
is in the corner, not quite ready to say hi), and David's crew walks in. I
haven't seen David in 3 years, so I grab my camera and, sneaking into the foyer,
I yell, "David"!, and snap his picture. Beard and all, and I remember him
without a beard, but knew he had one. It looks good! i go over and hug him-a
nice feeling after 3 years, yes.
People by now are starting to show up, and I talked Melissa into joining Lovie
and I. Melissa is wonderful, just like she writes and full of life. I know right
then I have always loved her wherever we were (Tif too). And my alienated
feeling has started to fade. I am starting to know that I belong here. Chris
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]